If It Lasts More Than A Couple Seasons It Could Jump To The Big Screen

May 1st, 2008

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve been AWOL for a couple days or weeks. Hopefully the posts will start picking up again though. My new gig1: Writer at The CW (formerly UPN and The WB). My project? Let’s just say you might have read about this exciting announcement in Variety:

Hollywood, CA. Following closely on the news that Guillermo del Toro will be directing The Hobbit and a The Hobbit sequel, Lord of the Rings director Peter Jackson and screenwriter Fran Walsh today announced that early pre-production of a new Middle-Earth-based television series will begin this summer, with a pilot and 9 episodes slated for this fall. Sackville, a new comedy-drama from The CW, will follow the adventures of the ficticious Sackville family, rivals of the more famous Baggins’ from the Lord of the Rings trilogy. “We want people to see that it’s not all Mount Doom and gloom in Middle Earth,” Jackson said at a news conference. “There’s a tremendous amount of back-story that Tolkien only hinted at. We aim to explore that territory fully.”

I’m still not allowed to talk about specifics, but I did get the green light (that’s what we say in the biz, “green light”) to talk about a few of the initial episodes we’re working on. I know it’s still very early in pre-production, but I think you’re going to see a lot of influences from Firefly, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Ironweed. Here’s some teasers:

Sackville

Pilot episode, “Sacked.” Hole-to-hole pipe salesman Longo Baggins’ luck seems to have changed for the better when his “Kewpie Troll” shaped pipe is a big hit with the Digby locals. But things turns sour when it’s discovered that due to a mix-up with the Númenórean pipe supplier, the pipes are made of actual Kewpie Trolls. Hillarity ensues when the teeny trolls set about looting and pillaging the town, killing dozens in the process. Tarred, feathered, and in dire need of a tetanus shot, Longo stumbles into the town of Sackville and into the arms of nursemaid Camellia Sackville.

Epside 2, “Bottoms Up.” Powerful media mogul and 7-time slap-fight champion Wesley Longbottom is dismayed to learn of fiancee Camellia Sackville’s growing interest in the recovering Longo Baggins. Longo is manipulated into challenging Wesley to a slap-fight death-match, a task he is hopelessly unprepared for. Hillarity and a surprise ending ensues.

Episodes 3-4, “Strange Folk.” As romantic tension increases between Longo and Camellia, a former Nazgûl veteran is caught stealing chickens to feed his starving Nazgûl family. In this very special 2-part episode, the plight of Khamûl and his fell family exposes sharp divisions within The Shire, turning neighbor against neighbor. But when a meddling Wizard threatens the town’s very survival, an unlikely partnership between Longo and Khamûl turns the tides and forces even the hardest of Hobbit hearts to re-think their treatment of former Ring War veterans.

Keep an eye out for Sackville in your local listings!

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1A blatant lie.

Hey Kids!

May 1st, 2008

We’re in the middle of fixing my blog, which is why it looks all defaulty and stuff. Because hell. I just might start makin’ with the blogging again.

Stay tuned.

According To CNN, There's Gonna Be A Lynchin'…Maybe

March 18th, 2008

From CNN:

CNN: 360° Blog: White men may decide Obama's fate

Because “360° Blog: Male voters may be key for Obama” doesn’t quite grab the key soccer-mom and clansmen demographic that CNN’s really trying to pull away from FOX.

How about this one: “360° Blog: Rapists may decide if Hillary lives”

Or “360° Blog: Vietnamese will decide if McCain gets more ‘hole’ time.”

Hey Anderson, call me! First hit’s free, but there’s more where that came from.

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Forbes: ZOMG Teh Wimmin Gamez?!!!11!

March 17th, 2008

THE Boomer Woman

For years, the answer to the question “do boomer women play computer games?” has been as elusive as…as…well as elusive as finding anybody who has ever actually used the phrase “boomer women” in a gaming context. Nonetheless, Forbes’ Brian Caulfield has the answer:

It turns out boomer women do play computer games.

And do they ever. The business of cranking out casual games–snack-sized alternatives to time-consuming fare like “World of Warcraft”–is mushrooming.

Mmmm…mixed metaphors! Unless Caulfield thinks mushrooms are a snack food, in which hey, my bad. Heck, maybe that’s what rich people who read Forbes snack on. Mushrooms and the crushed and lightly salted souls of the cubicle workers whose backs their fortunes are built on. But mostly mushrooms.

To be sure, classifying casual games as “games for girls” would not be fair.

Caulfield then goes on to classify casual games as games for girls:

But casual female-targeted gaming hits with female heroines, such as “Diner Dash” and “Wedding Dash,” make it clear that casual game developers are attacking far broader swaths of the population than the traditional 18-to-35-year-old male demographic coveted by makers of hardcore games.

“Diner Dash?” “Wedding dash?” Sweet Jesus on a Maxi Pad, I think my ovaries just asploded. Which is why–I guess–these games are targeted at “boomer women,” because…you know…they don’t have any ovaries. Or to apply a more scientific definition:

And while casual games appeal to everyone from pre-teens to old men (the world’s richest man, Warren Buffet, 77, haunts online bridge parlors while using the handle “T-bone”), women over 35 are the most likely to pay for them; 75% percent of those who pay for casual games are women, and 72% are over 35 years old.

According to Forbes, a “woman boomer” is a women over 35. Also, Warren Buffet is such a greedy fucking bastard that you’ll pry a subscription from his cold dead jewel-encrusted fingers itellyawhat.

In summary, traditional “boomer women” (of the non-Warren-Buffet variety) are purchasing casual games targeted at women performing traditionally female roles. Zoemygawd that’s profound. Tomorrow we’ll tackle the question “do 10 year-old girls play with Barbie dolls? The answer may surprise you!”

Friday Matinee Double-Feature

March 14th, 2008

Based on an email sample of 2, the Friday video was lame. Fine. Be that way.



 

Your Friday Game-Related Matinee

March 14th, 2008

I’m surprised it took this long.



I almost didn’t post this because…well because you’re better than this. Well…not much better, because you probably play a prot specc’d pally. But still.

 

Liv Tyler Fans Are Sure To Be Disappointed

March 11th, 2008

Patrick Stewart: “Tolkien was a hack.”

…he spoke to Peter Jackson about taking the role of Gandalf (for the original films) but turned it down because of the script!

Probably a good thing. They’d have had to CGI out his wheelchair. But the real reason he turned down the script probably had to do with more fundamental creative differences.


The “This Blog Used To Be About Games” Streak Continues

March 10th, 2008

Come on. Is this the face of someone who wants to take away your guns? I mean, she doesn’t even have fully opposable thumbs to do it with!

(The Mike “Huckapug” is truly a scary site to behold.)

The Guy Responsible For Every RPG You’ve Ever Played Is Gone

March 4th, 2008

As seen at Broken Toys, Gary Gygax has passed away at the age of 69.

Accurate Economic Indicators

February 29th, 2008

President Bush:

“I don’t think we’re headed to recession. But no question, we’re in a slowdown.”

Shit. We’re headed into a recession. And it’s gonna happen fast.