Some random thoughts from the airport.
You may recall that the FAA are considering relaxing rules regarding cell phones on airplanes. The implications of this move are currently, and literally, resonating with me. As I sit here waiting for my delayed flight to board, the lady next to me has, for the last hour, been calling friends, relatives, and quite possibly just random numbers to let them know that she is (wait for it!) at the airport! Yes my friends, just like the other 2-fucking-thousand people here at DIA, I am a very special and unique individual, and it's important for every goddam person I've ever known for more than 30 seconds to know that. I'm getting on an airplane, and you're not. And do you know they made me take my shoes off? If I'd known that I'd have worn sandals. Hahaha!
To think that the FAA is considering letting this empty-headed chatterbox continue her empty-headed conversations in-flight (hey I think I can see your house! Hahaha!) is chilling indeed. Note to my real-life friends: if you ever call me from an airport, and it's not to pick your too-cheap-for-a-cab ass up, don't be surprised if TSA, working on an anonymous tip, takes you aside for a thorough cavity search. I can see your tonsils from here! Hahaha!
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You know what's funny? When people are so wrapped up on their cell phones that they don't see the end of those people mover walkway things coming. That's some quality entertainment there.
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You may be interested to know that Denver International Airport is, in fact, located just over the Kansas border.
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Mad props to the asshole across from me who never learned to cover his disease-ridden mouth when he sneezes, which is frequently. Sorry San Jose and Monterey, I'll be bringing the plague with me.
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Actual conversation with a TSA agent at security:
Agent: (holding my Powerbook up) Ma'am, is this a laptop?
Me: No, it's a ham and cheese sandwich. The titanium keeps it fresher. Here's your sign.
Alright, it's not my actual reply. But it should have been.
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Overheard at the coffee shop in the main terminal building:
Woman 1: You know that pilot was totally gay, right?
Woman 2: How do you know that?
Woman 1: Didn't you listen to him? He had a gay voice.
Woman 2: You're such an idiot. They don't let gay people be pilots.
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So…are you in the airport? *ducks*