Amber Night

It might interest you to know that I’ve got a wee bit of the Irish blood in me. The fact that I just used “wee” in a sentence not refering to urination confirms it. I also come from a long line of Irish gamers. It’s true. My great great grandfather…um…Paddy O’Night stepped off the boat in 1868, a refugee of not only the great potato famine, but also to work his way into the fledgling Mumblety peg industry. Frustrated by Whig-backed lobbyist efforts to restrict the sale of shoes to children (despite the fact that all shoes carried warning labels at the time), Paddy focused his attention on the non-foot-mutilating segment of the industry, which as luck would have it, dominated game development through the rest of the 19th and 20th centuries.

Although generally uncredited, Paddy O’Night invented the first massivly multiplayer roleplaying game in 1874. Titled Kill Carpetbaggers and Hobos Online: The Scalawaggening, it revolutionized the gaming industry. Players paid a nickel a month to “camp” carpetbaggers, scalawags, and hobos. Because the concept of “virtual worlds” hadn’t yet been invented, the fact that actual carpetbaggers, scalawags, and hobos were being killed at alarming rates meant that a vast network of customer support agents were needed to round up undesirables and place them in vacated spawn points, sometimes at great personal peril.

From the beginning there were challenges. From Paddy’s diary:

Jan 16, 1874. I deeme successful the fair number of pre-registrations purchased through the Sears, Roebuck catalogue. Father O’Toole feels our full page ad in Games & Ammo showed a sinful amount of ankle, for which I was obliged to say 15 each of Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s. I am thankful the good Father was not present at the Nevada Territory Gamers Convention, where our booth madame, Chesty Archetype did attract scurilous amounts of attention to our, and her, wares.

Feb 2, 1874. Giddyup [go-live] started this morn, hot as a whorehouse on nickel night. Most unfortunately due to an unexpectedly large number of pkers, many a fine player got kilt at the outset. Many will likely not live past the initial 30 days trial, which have caused much a-flutter within our financial concerns.

April 23, 1874. Class balance continues to vex, as I am constantly harrassed by demands to neirf the gunfighters. These crise arise primaruly from the knife fighters.

The game came under much criticism in the popular press as well, and especially within the gaming commuity. Popular critic and author of the book A Treatise on Large Scale Bouts for the Dagnabbed Stupid, Lumme de Loco, was a particularly harsh critic, until Paddy brought him on as a hired hand. Lumme purportedly was paid only in granny Thomas’ “hole in the middle” biscuits.

Although moderately successful, Kill Carpetbaggers and Hobos Online: The Scalawaggening closed down unexpectedly in 1876, shortly after the release of its first and only expansion, Victory at Little Bighorn. Paddy O’Night was shortly thereafter tarred, feathered, run out of town on a mule, and eventually founded Terra Nova.

So tonight when you go out and get completely and utterly pissed, be sure to lift a glass to my great great grandpappy Paddy O’Night, the man you have to thank for the grind that now consumes your life and possibly destroyed your marriage.

This entry was posted on Friday, March 17th, 2006 at 2:51 pm and is filed under Amber's Brain, Main Page. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.