Elements of a Well-Tempered Vampire
It’s based on a novel by a man named Lear.
Navel gazing alert.
I get the occasional email. Usually it’s positive, and let me just say without sarcasm, that I am moved each and every time one of you thoughtful individuals shares with me your enjoyment of my little works of docu-fiction. Part of me suspects that you’re just very nice people and that your encouragement is the electronic equivalent of “kitty didn’t run away, she moved to Alaska to pull very small sleds.” But even if that’s the case, thank you for enabling my neurosis.
Others of you, a very small minority I should add, have yet to move past a little WoW post I wrote clear the fuck back in February. You remind me on a weekly basis, in your wonderful little way that simply screams “I have no use for complete sentences, punctuation, or clarity in my keyboard expectorations.”
Then there are those few of you who share my passion for writing. You and I find enjoyment in the written word, and although you may not delight in the creative manglement of the language that so moves me, you at least share my love of massaging dependent clauses, conjunctive adverbs, and antithetical phrases into harmonious passages of stylized information.
I own no less than 25 books on writing, most of which I’ve only skimmed. I can’t help myself. Put me in a Barnes & Noble or Borders, and I will inevitably gravitate towards the reference section. Once there, it is physically impossible for me to leave without a purchase. Believe me, security has tried.
There are 3 books, however, that I find myself coming back to time and time again. I don’t think I’m exaggerating (a rare feat, I grant you) when I say that if you are serious about writing, these 3 books are all you will ever need. All 3 of these books together will cost you less than $40.
The Elements of Style, Strunk & White. This is the quintessential writers reference. If you do any writing at all in your job or personal life, you must own this book. In fact, get 2 copies, one for home and one for work. They’re cheap. Of the 3 books I’m recommending, this is the only one you absolutely must have. Go get it right now, and then come back. I’ll wait.
The New Well-Tempered Sentence, Karen Elizabeth Gordon. If you’d rather dig your eye out with a spoon than learn punctuation, this is the book for you. It does not come with a spoon. But it does take all the stuffiness out of the topic, and replenish it with Gordon’s sharp wit and quirky use of narrative and samples. Gordon’s command of the language is matched only by her creative and off-beat usage. You will find yourself not only learning the rules of the road, but entertained as well. Whereas Elements of Style is a users manual of the language, Well-Tempered Sentence is Where the Wild Things Are for writers.
The Deluxe Transitive Vampire, also by Karen Elizabeth Gordon. Gordon steps it up a notch in Vampire, bringing back some of the characters you loved in Well-Tempered Sentence, and introduces others. The subtitle for this book is “The Ultimate Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed,” but don’t let that scare you off. Like Well-Tempered Sentence, it is not only helpful, but it’s a witty and entertaining read. You will love Gordon’s dark and surrealistic humor, and the illustrations are wonderful.
If you do any writing at all, these books belong in your library. Enjoy!
EDIT:
Tom recommends:
On Writing by Stephen King. Even if you don’t like his stuff, this is one of the best works on the craft of writing. Not much on grammar, but tons on how to bring your story to life. Very useful advice on becoming a better writer and storyteller.
Ken recommends:
Hodge’s Harbrace Handbook by Cheryl Glen. I used this book in college, and it’s an excellent resource. It is a little pricey though (~$60 at Amazon), and it also clocks in at just under 1,000 pages. If you’re serious about writing, it’s a good one to own.
Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. Haven’t read it, although there’s a good chance I own it.
Brian recommends:
Techniques of the Selling Writer by Dwight Swain.
May 18th, 2006 at 10:11 am
I assume you own and have read Stephen King's “On Writing”? If not, you should. It's marvellous (and I'm not even a fan of his work!)
May 18th, 2006 at 12:03 pm
Good list but if you don't expand it to four, you'll hurt my feelings. Hodge's Harbrace; I've used it from high school all the way to grad school and it's never let me down. It's on my nightstand, in case I need to copyedit my late night epiphany scrawlings. Ford Prefect has his towel, I have my Hodges.
May 18th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
Thanks for the suggestions. I am in dire need of learning English again.
May 18th, 2006 at 3:58 pm
Must resist googling the lyrics. You have me stumped this time.
May 18th, 2006 at 7:12 pm
Filthy wordy word philiacs.
May 18th, 2006 at 8:15 pm
Let me add “Techniques of the Selling Writer” by Swain. Seems to get frequent mentions in most of the places that talk about writing. Applies to fiction writing. The book is over 40 years old by this point, but it's still full of good info that actually published authors say work wonders.
May 18th, 2006 at 8:52 pm
Judging by comments and email, this seems to be a much more popular topic than I thought it would be. Maybe I’ll talk about writing more often. Finally a subject that I not only talk about, but know a little something about too.