Amber Night

Cue jazz band and minority and/or bald sidekick…

Amber: Welcome back to the show, my guest panelists are The Yellow Poncho of Justice, her sidekick Ladybug, and their Arch-enemy, Eater of Shadows.  Welcome to the show ladies.

Eater of Shadows: Uh, I'm actually a dude.

Amber:  Really?  Because you seem…you know…

Eater of Shadows: Effeminate?

Amber: Yeah, kind of.

Eater of Shadows: Yeah, I get that a lot.  It's why I turned to a life of crime.  It all started when…

YPoJ: Can I keep this mug?

Ladybug: Flit!  Nostradamus!  Ding ho!

Amber: Excuse me?

Ladybug: Zlurb.  Polypeptide Shelley Long?

YpoJ: Sorry, she took a plastic bat to the head awhile back.  Hasn't been the same since.

Amber: Fascinating.  Okay, our first news item is a John C. Dvorak article…

Ladybug: Wrrrrr!  DEVIL IN A BLUE DRESS!  ping.

Amber: Excuse me?

YPoJ: Could you not say the J. C. D. word around her?  She's a bit sensitive.

Amber: No problem.  In this column, Dvorak–

Ladybug: Subliminable!

Amber: –speculates on what a visitor from 1920 might think of the going's-on in 2006.  Here's a quote from the article: "Of course, nothing could be weirder than the emergence of Web addresses on business cards and their ubiquitous use."

Email on business cards?  Really?  Someone's obviously never been to MySpace.  What do you ladies–sorry, ladies and effeminate evil overlords–think?

YPoJ: With this traveler from the past running amok, our own timeline is in grave peril!  We must make haste to…oh look!  He has one of those adorable bola hats!

Ladybug:   Brandy!  Immanuel Kant's wicked love child.

Eater of Shadows: Excsssellent!  Soon I, Eater of Shadows, will extract the secret of time travel from this hat-wearing primate.  I will then travel back to the year 1866, whereupon I shall assassinate Abraham Lincoln, thus preventing him from running for a second term!  Muahahahahaha!  Oh, I am so diabolical.  And yes, I'm pretty sure there are weirder things than email addresses on business cards.  Try being a maniacal evil overlord on eHarmony.  All of my matches are like Emo Expo 2006!

Amber: Moving on…

Eater of Shadows: Emo Expo 2006 and the E2 logo are registered trademarks of Eater of Shadows.  All rights reserved.

Amber: Richard Bartle (as seen on Broken Toys) proposes a MMO reputation system similar to the "You might also like" system used at sites such as Amazon.  Ladybug?

Ladybug: I break and sometimes fix stuff.  Fzzzt.

Eater of Shadows: I laugh at this so-called reputation system.  Hahaha!  Would you like to hear of the reputation system I have been working on?

Amber: Do tell.

Eater of Shadows: I call it the Eater of Shadows Reputation System.  It works much like the Amazon "You might also like" system, where…

Amber: That's how Bartle's system works.

Eater of Shadows: Foolish mortal.  Nobody steals from Eater of Shadows and lives to tell of it.  Why, if my hands weren't so effeminate, I would spank him myself.

YpoJ: Okay, ick?  TMI, Eater.  TMI.

Amber: Next up!  Learn how to manipulate your lady into playing games.  YpoJ?

YpoJ: Seriously, can I keep the mug?

Eater of Shadows: Fools!  There can be only one way to make women play video games, and that is with my fiendishly evil Enslave-o-matic Death Ray…of DOOM!  Muahahahaha!

Amber: Wouldn't a death ray just kill them?

Eater of Shadows: Look, it's a work in progress okay?  I don't invite you over to my blog and criticize you, do I?

Amber: Actually you've never invited me over to your blog.

Eater of Shadows: Talk to the hand.

Amber:  Wow, nice manicure.

Eater of Shadows: Oh do you like it?  I have a girl in Pacific Grove.  She's faaabulous!

Amber: Okay, final round.  Grand Theft Auto IV will be sharing the Table Tennis Engine.  Thoughts?

Eater of Shadows: Eater of Shadows has heard rumors of a so-called "Iced Latte" mode in Table Tennis.

YpoJ: It's true.  Guess where the ping-pong balls come out?

Ladybug: Freebird!

Amber: We're outa time folks.  See you next time on Unfashionably Late.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 19th, 2006 at 11:19 am and is filed under Amber's Brain, Computer Gaming, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.