Friday Lameness
So lame I forgot the lyrics…
This post is a lame navel-gazing fest. I'm sorry. My parents are visiting this weekend, so all creativity has been strangled out of me. Go read Penny Arcade. They're funnier.
Still here? Okay. The biggest reason I made the move to Wordpress is all those wonderful toys. Namely toys that play with stats.
The first stat that truly startled me was this: while 78% of you are visiting from the U.S., a full 1% of you are visiting from Monaco. Monaco! Wow. Given that Monaco has a population of only about 32,000 people, I find that pretty amazing. So hey, big shout out to Monaco, who, according to Wikipedia, also have "more millionaires per capita than any other country."
In the style of Jon Stewart: Monocan readers? Join me over here at camera 3. Hi there. My name is Amber. After a hard day of driving your Porsche all over the countryside to get from the polo club to the tennis club to the …um…whatever the fuck else it is that rich Europeans do all day, don't you dread the thought of coming home only to spend the evening raiding for that last set piece you need to truly kick ass in PvP? Wouldn't it be tres magnifique if you had a nice, sweet, innocent American girl to spend her days in your lavish mansion to do that for you? You could come home and jump straight into kicking some Horde ass. Or Alliance. Makes no diff to me. Whatever side you're on is the side I'm on baby, because while I'm not cheap, I am easy. And I've got other talents too. Oh yeah you naughty boy, you know what I'm talking about. Just lay back, relax, and let me show you what else I can do. Namely craft. Weapons, armor, whatever you need. Oh also I can tie a cherry stem with my tongue. Think about it okay? Drop me an email with your credit card number, and let's get to know each other better.
Moving on. You know what I love? Search phrases. So here's some of the more interesting ones, in no particular order:
allergies. Welcome hypochondriacs. (oh, and kick-ass local Denver punk rock band )
minus 50 dkp. Say that three times fast and Dives is summoned, singing The Banana Boat Song while draping his big yellow belt seductively over your hairy chest…
wu zetian. Lotta hits on this one. Welcome history majors.
the snake is long . . .7 miles meaning. 17 people Googled on this phrase, and then came here. I got nothing.
leggy nurses. 32 very disappointed pr0n surfers made the jump here.
amber and the dixie chicks. They're opening for me, give 'em a nice hand.
amber jennings. Lum is punking me , I just know it.
i hate the tsa. Ooooh, I hate them so much!
terrorist video game or pentagon snafu. Welcome Donald Rumsfeld.
how to get along with asshole coworker. You'll need a tin whistle, an egg timer, and a very large document shredder.
what does the baptist church think of world of warcraft. Welcome Baptists.
city of heroes lfg. l2p noob. You're in the wrong game.
riddle me this. Welcome Batman.
tweety rants sanya thomas. I know, I'm pissed too that they're gone. Anyone mirror them?
i wanna be homeless. Yeah, well wish in one hand and pour acid on a co-worker in the other.
flogging molly soccer jersey. That would be sweet.
jesus is coming look busy. Welcome back Baptists.
is amber night married. It depends. Can I see your passport and last 3 bank statements?
amber night lesbian. See previous.
m a rosko. Poor lady. Take a bad picture, get shredded by some catty self-righteous blogger.
vampire mmos. They all are.
durka durka mp3. Welcome terrorists.
little girls ladybug bedroom. Don't forget the ladybug pinatas. (Google seeding don't fail me now!)
columbine vagina monologues. Worst. Play. Ever.
The top search phrase?
Yellow Poncho. You can't stop the power of the poncho. Welcome longshoremen.
I told you it was lame. Off for some quality parental visitation. Kill me please.
Peace out.
June 30th, 2006 at 7:50 am
You get stats on Wordpress? HOW????
June 30th, 2006 at 8:21 am
“a nice, sweet, innocent American girl”??? For a while I thought you were talking about yourself, then this line. I kid…don’t hurt me.
Question: If you’re willing to “grind” for some rich snot in Monaco, how is that different than RMT?
June 30th, 2006 at 10:14 am
Right now I’m using a combination of tools. I use the BAStats plugin, a free service called Performancing, and Google Analytics. So far I’m not completely sold on any one of these, but used together I can grab a lot of info.
June 30th, 2006 at 11:45 am
I don’t think American girls are gonna sell too well, I only buy girls from countries where they still have to know their way around the kitchen ;P
And everyone make sure to add google analytics to your hosts file so Amber can’t get stats
$ grep goog /etc/hosts
0.0.0.0 http://www.google-analytics.com
0.0.0.0 google-analytics.com
June 30th, 2006 at 1:16 pm
Same as everyone. They loved the grind to 60, but then felt the endgame sucked. Just like their views on the afterlife!
June 30th, 2006 at 8:25 pm
@Bughunter: Because the money and champaigne are flowing in a direction that more directly benefeits me.
@Joe: Thhhhhpppppttt!