Alright, Who Let The Gimp Out?
Karl Rove's October Surprise: John Kerry. Oh, he's good.
In case you missed it, Kerry said this a couple days ago:
"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."
The White House was pretend-shocked:
Bush, campaigning later in Georgia, said Kerry's statement was "insulting and it is shameful.""The members of the United States military are plenty smart and they are plenty brave and the senator from Massachusetts owes them an apology," Bush said during an appearance for a former GOP congressman, Mac Collins, who is trying to oust Democratic Rep. Jim Marshall. There were boos at the mention of Kerry's name and cheers at Bush's call for an apology.
Now everyone with half a goddamned brain knows Kerry was insulting the President, and not the troops. (The transcript of his speech, released before the actual speech, proves this.) Love or hate Kerry, if you honestly believe Kerry was directing his remarks at the troops, well then, here's your sign. It's actually a "Kick Me" sign that you can go stick on Michael J. Fox's back. If you can get him to stop acting all shaky long enough for you to stick it on, that is. Haha.
But fine. For argument's sake, let's say Kerry oh-no-girl-you-did-not-just said that we send less educated people to Iraq. Well, he would still have been right:
As combat in Iraq makes it harder than ever to fill the ranks of the all-volunteer force, newly released Pentagon demographic data show that the military is leaning heavily for recruits on economically depressed, rural areas.
…
Senior Pentagon officials say the war has had a clear impact on recruiting, with a shrinking pool of candidates forcing the military to accept enlistees of lesser quality. In fiscal 2005, the Army took in its least-qualified group of recruits in a decade, as measured by educational level and test results.
Emphasis mine.
But you won't hear an honest debate about that. The Democrats are too busy scurrying away, Gollum-like, from Kerry, desperate to hold on to their precious bid to take control of the federal government. And the Republicans of course won't engage in an honest debate, because it only highlights that whole Iraq thing. And the press? Please. Poverty and uneducated soldiers only makes news if it's in the context of a political straw man.
EDIT: Of course, we shouldn't be surprised. All the signs were there:
November 2nd, 2006 at 11:38 am
Stephen Colbert had the best commentary on this last night. Dig up the clip on Youtube or something, but it went something like:
Of course Bush supports the troops more than Kerry! There probably wouldn’t even BE any troops in Iraq if Kerry had been elected. And talk about the economy — why, just last month Bush created 104 new job openings!
–
And in a completely unrelated note, fun with TSA at LAX:
http://www.davidgagne.net/?p=6200
November 2nd, 2006 at 12:10 pm
Stick to politicking and leave the stand-up to the pros. Thanks for giving us at least 2 more years of total GOP domination dumbass!
November 2nd, 2006 at 12:16 pm
My first guess was that he was thinking of the Vietnam draft, i.e. “don’t flunk out of college or you’ll get drafted.” But yeah, I guess saying “study hard or else you’ll become a two-term president of the United States and make poor decisions that are finally recognized only after you beat me, John Kerry” is a pretty funny joke. For Kerry speechwriters, anyway.
Does Obama have a decent sense of humor, I wonder?
November 2nd, 2006 at 1:14 pm
Ha, I thought you were talking about me for a second there, and I was thinking “oh how sweet, nobody *ever* wants me to stick to politicking.
November 2nd, 2006 at 2:00 pm
It’s ironic how a guy who can’t read and doesn’t know jack about politics is attacking the intelligence of the guy who beat him 2 years ago. If he isn’t smart enough to know you have to communicate clearly on delicate subjects, how would he handle something more important like a nuclear program in N. Korea? Thank goodness that moron isn’t in power eh. He didn’t even read the speech correctly!
It’s a bad idea to use an alternate reality scenario to prove Bush was a bad choice, and even worse to base a campaign on it. Sure we wouldn’t be “stuck in Iraq”, but we’d have lost hundreds of thousands of lives due to follow-up attacks on our home soil. So long as the collective democrat thinking is along the lines of woulda coulda, they aren’t proving that they could competently lead. The current thought is what? “Leave Iraq now!” Good plan there, let’s create another N. Korea, we don’t have enough of those. Geeze how stupid could you get, at least the Bush administration is capable of making a decision (even if it’s not very good) and doing it. All I’m hearing from the democrats is spilt milk and sour grapes.
November 2nd, 2006 at 2:03 pm
All the enlisted uneducated retards serving in Iraq will have more options to earn and pay for their college education, that is if they make it back alive. They should have just stayed home, gone on welfare and churned out crack babies instead, it would have been the smarter thing to do. Who knows, those no longer retarded who finish college after serving could become super geniuses like Bush and Kerry.
I’m a bastard, I thought Rush’s visual reenactment of Fox on his hidden intertubes cam was amusing, but I can’t help but laugh more at his pill-popping oxycontin addiction and how much of an idiot he is. I am going to petition Barnett for a Michael J. Fox dance emote in Warhammer.
I hope Obama runs, I really do.
November 2nd, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Release the Bughunter in 3…2…
November 2nd, 2006 at 2:04 pm
Bah! He beat my countdown! Never mind.
Dave (someone beat me to my cool internet name)
November 2nd, 2006 at 3:26 pm
You mean like this?
Snark.
November 2nd, 2006 at 3:29 pm
Sorry Dave, if you’d have called me and coordinated we could have worked this out better. Why don’t you ever call anymore? Are you seeing someone else, is that it?
I’ve been debating whether to delve into the Michael J. Fox thing or not. Really they’re both out of line. I love Mr. Fox. It really broke my heart when the illness took over and he quit acting. Using that illness for sympathy votes though I have to question the motives/ethics. I don’t have enough actual facts about the stem cell issue to really come down on him. He might be right, just going about it the wrong way. Rush on the other hand, while it might have been funny is out of line. Even if the democrats were cheering when he lost his hearing, he should have been the bigger man and not make fun of the guy with parkinsons, he really pulled a Kerry with that one.
November 2nd, 2006 at 3:32 pm
Yes Amber I think you got exactly the point I was trying to make. Sounds pathetic doesn’t it? Yet I continue to hear essentially the same thing over and over from the democrats.
November 2nd, 2006 at 3:33 pm
Ok ok ok I think I can do this.
Release the Hunter in 3…2…1…
November 2nd, 2006 at 4:07 pm
I too am unhappy with the Democrats, BH. I agree that they have been more whiny than visionary, and much less courageous than they ever should have been in the face of this administration. I think they sold their souls when they voted for the Patriot act, and it just went downhill from there. If/when the Democrats take control of congress on Tuesday, you will hear no gleeful celebrations from me. Just a sigh of relief that at least the brakes are on an out of control lock-step congress. It’s so demoralizing to think that the best I can hope to see out of congress in the next 2 years is the legislative equivelant of cock-blocking.
And I keep hearing essentially the same thing over and over from the Republicans: BE AFRAID. I’m sorry, but I’m tired of being afraid. More people die from poverty, disease, and malnutrition than will ever die from terrorism. If we’re afraid of anything, it should be that this country is becoming increasingly irrelevant in the fields of math, science, and compassion.
With regards to MJF: I don’t know how you can consider him to be shilling his disability, any more than you can consider a black person to be shilling their race when demanding equal rights. (yes I know the simile breaks down quickly, but I think the point stands) To say that he was faking or skipped his meds is to be cynical beyond what even I can muster.
BTW, Nancy Reagan also urged the President to fund stem cell research, but I didn’t hear anyone (Democrats or Republicans) cry that she was shilling her husband out.
As for Rush Limbaugh, I really have no energy to be outraged or disappointed with him. He is the worst type of scoundrel already. The MJF thing is a drop in the bucket.
November 2nd, 2006 at 5:55 pm
Until someone batshit crazy like Mahmoud Ahmadinejihad nukes Israel. I’m building a fallout shelter just in case China gets involved. I still have two more years of being very afraid left.
No, no. Karl Rove is the worst type of evil scoundrel there is.
Thank you Jesus, [*waves hands in the air*] Seriously, I’m thankful for all the philanthropists, and organizations like Bill & Melinda Gates, the Clinton Global Initiative, etc.
I am sick and tired of these mother fuckin’ worthless politicians; the soon to be cock-blocking, while better than carte blanche, it-is demoralizing. nrgngh snort!
November 2nd, 2006 at 5:58 pm
The last part was me showing anger and frustrating raging emotions with words. I’m moving to Iceland, yea, maybe not, but sometimes the thought helps.
November 2nd, 2006 at 11:41 pm
Well shit what’s a guy gotta do to get banned from this joint? Oh I know, how about this: Amber you make a point just about as good as your dear Mr. Kerry does, and you’re about 1/2 as funny. It may not be obvious to you that Kerry was attacking the troops but if you look back to his entire time in the senate and the 2004 election you’ll see that the man has nothing but contempt for our armed forces. He threw his purple hearts back into the face of the nation that awarded them to him. Like you, he hates our military and does a terrible job of hiding that hate. Like you he tries to cover that hate with words like compassion and all those other fuzzy words you liberals like to use. John Kerry wants you to wear a burka, and that must sounds prety good to you huh. Well wait til your husband starts beating you and treating his camel better. Ideas like patriotism and God and pride in ones country are all cuss words to you and John Kerry. So fuck you and fuck John Kerry and fuck all the rest of his and your towel head friends. And if you cant even bother yourself with researching the real facts then please for fuck sake stop writing like you think you know fuck all about fucking anything exept yammering through that hole in your head.
Bring it da fuck on fanbois cuz yer daddys back.
November 3rd, 2006 at 12:29 am
woahwoahwoahwoahwoahwoah…..
Kerry is not funny. Amber is.
Also, Kristin Gore. Much funnier than her father.
November 3rd, 2006 at 6:35 am
I think my favorite part of this is actually part of Bush’s responce…
“The men and women who serve in our all-volunteer armed forces are plenty smart and are serving because they are patriots”
I find it funny because, of all the people I know who have served in the military recently (meaning not WWII and Vietnam vets) only one joined up to serve his country (a patriot), the rest of them did it for the college money. Without the college fund, I’m fairly certain the armed forces would be alot smaller than they are.
November 3rd, 2006 at 9:09 am
Who called it? Dave called it.
I said who called it? That’s right, Dave called it. Give it up!
Dave (totally called it)
November 3rd, 2006 at 10:40 am
I think my give-a-damn is busted. Is there such a thing as “fuck-up fatigue”? I wonder if we paid the politicians to do absolutely nothing at all would we be in a better place? Just don’t touch anything! Be still and don’t fucking move!
I’d vote for that.
November 3rd, 2006 at 12:07 pm
Honestly I hope the Republicans retain controll of both houses. Giving the Democrats 2 years to try fixing a mess that took The Bush Administration and his congressional lapdogs 6 years to make is an invitation to failure. For Democrats wining a bare majority in congress, with the same arrogant fools across the isle from them controlling near parity of numbers, now with an agenda to see the Democrats fail before the next Presidential election is a worse recipe for disaster than leaving the Republicans in office for another two years, then making a clean sweep of both brances giving some chance of succesfully turning this country around again. I don’t see a bare win for the Democrats this time around doing anything more than discrediting them for the 2008 race. Democrats winning congress at this time puts us in for at least 6 more years of shit rather than just 2. Losing would give the Republicans ample rope to really hang them selves before the next election cycle.
November 3rd, 2006 at 3:59 pm
The Democrats should have wrapped Kerry and Howard Dean in duct tape and kept them in a closet from July until mid-November. Not that it matters. I’ve pretty much lost my confidence in all of them.
November 4th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
Amber,
Less educated people… I think it’s a myth that only drop outs and such join the military. A myth that the overprivileged rich like to snicker about.
But don’t take my word for it, here’s a study:
http://www.heritage.org/Press/Commentary/ed112905a.cfm?RenderforPrint=1
It draws on earlier years then the 2005 quote that you emphasised but it’s certainly still worth looking at.
Although in this day and age, there’s a study proving left is right and right is left if you look hard enough. I also read that recruiting is at a current high. If more people are joining the military it stands to reason that you’ll get more every day Americans then college grads.
November 5th, 2006 at 10:02 am
JG: he didn’t say that though, he was insulting bush but fucked up the wording a bit.
November 5th, 2006 at 10:40 pm
While he didn’t say that in his screwed up joke, later he added that the joke was right either way.
It’s possible that I’m reading it wrong but it seems to me that Mr. Kerry believes that the military fills it ranks upon the uneducated and the downtrodden. After seeing that now famous photo “HALP US JON CARRY…”, I don’t think I’m the only one to come to the same conclusion.
November 5th, 2006 at 10:56 pm
As I mentioned in the main post, even if John Kerry was taking about the troops, he would have been right. The military *IS* filling out its ranks with under-educated soldiers. The link is here.
The Republicans know this, but they’re not going to point it out. The Democrats know this, but they’re too scared to say anything. But the fact is that we are fighting 2 wars right now, military recruitment is way down, and the Pentagon is back-filling with people who are educationally less qualified than pre-Iraq. Again, I’m not surprised by the lack of honest debate on this issue, but I am saddened by it.
November 6th, 2006 at 11:56 am
My daughter and her husband joined for the money. They needed money, they needed money for school and for living, and they needed someplace that would get the dollars rolling in pretty fast.
I don’t know anyone who joins because they think what we’re doing in Iraq is a good thing that deserves support. Mostly they try not to think about it at all. My son-in-law already did a tour in Iraq.
If they’d had money to go to college instead of joining the military (as is common these days, parents are too poor to send children to college any more), they’d have gotten decent jobs and wouldn’t have joined.
I’m supporting my son now, he’s living with me in my one-bedroom apartment — he sleeps in the living room — and scraping together the money to keep him in college. I don’t want my son in Iraq, dying for oil.
We didn’t go for Iraqi freedom. If we wanted to free a country that desperately needed it, we’d go pour our billions into Somalia. Clinton tried but lost his nerve. We’re in Iraq so US companies can get more favorable oil deals, and we’ll leave once we have them. If we really wanted to free Iraq, the military estimated it would have needed at least double the troops actually sent. We didn’t go to win. We went to stir things up.
If Afghanistan and Pakistan had better oil reserves, maybe we would have caught bin Laden by now. But capturing real terrorists who really have killed Americans on US soil is harder than making new ones.