The Estro Generation
This question to the male readership: Have you ever just been sitting in a Starbucks, enjoying your vanilla soy mocha latte (no foam, extra whipped cream, light sprinkles), and for no goddamned reason you just started crying because you love your kitty SO much? Well I'm here to tell you, sister, that it's not your fault.
From Jim Rutz at WorlNet Daily:
… Soybean products are feminizing, and they're all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.
I have nothing against an occasional soy snack. Soy is nutritious and contains lots of good things. Unfortunately, when you eat or drink a lot of soy stuff, you're also getting substantial quantities of estrogens.
Estrogens are female hormones. If you're a woman, you're flooding your system with a substance it can't handle in surplus. If you're a man, you're suppressing your masculinity and stimulating your "female side," physically and mentally.
That's right boys. It's not the sprinkles on your little girly drink that's turning you into a nancy. Okay, it's not just the sprinkles.
Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That's why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today's rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products. (Most babies are bottle-fed during some part of their infancy, and one-fourth of them are getting soy milk!) Homosexuals often argue that their homosexuality is inborn because "I can't remember a time when I wasn't homosexual." No, homosexuality is always deviant. But now many of them can truthfully say that they can't remember a time when excess estrogen wasn't influencing them.
Fortunately, there's help. After much consultation with Mr. Rutz and The Heritage Foundation, I've developed a simple checklist to help determine if you're getting too much soy in your diet. Men, just take this simple quiz:
√ Bottle fed as an infant? 5 points.
√ Do your man boobs look fantastic on your lithe 115 pound figure? 5 points.
√ Do your pants make your ass look fat? If you care, 9 points.
√ Did you cry during Serenity when Wash died?1 (Trick question, you're a Cylon if you didn't cry.) 0 points.
√ Judy Garland: Hot dead chick or faaabulous dresser dead chick? Faaaabulous dresser earns you 6 points.
√ The thing currently covering your torso: Shirt or "top?" "Top" earns you 8 points. Take another 3 points if you also accessorized.
√ Are you worried about the points you're racking up? 7 more points.
√ Was your last period heavier/lighter than usual, or average? 253 points.
If you scored 20 points or more, then you are in danger of becoming a raging estrogen-fueled homosexual girly man. Cut back on the Tofutti, Charlotte.
There is good news, however, for you Asio-sexuals: (I just coined that term, and I have no idea what it means. Gogo Google.)
P.S.: Soy sauce is fine. Unlike soy milk, it's perfectly safe because it's fermented, which changes its molecular structure. Miso, natto and tempeh are also OK, but avoid tofu.
1 And shut up about the spoiler. The movie's been out for over a year. Get a Netflix subscription already.
December 13th, 2006 at 10:24 am
Wash died?
December 13th, 2006 at 10:41 am
Hi Amber,
Well, I tend to not believe anything I read on the internet anyway, but ….
Here is an article that says pretty much the opposite of our dear Jim Rutz. Here soy is described as “pseudo-estrogen” and a benefit to male bodybuilders.
Now everyone has to make up their own mind! Sadly this does not argue the “shrinking penis” statement made by Mr. Rutz.
Source: Elite Fitness: Online Bodybuilding Magazine
December 13th, 2006 at 2:28 pm
Have you ever just been sitting in a Starbucks, enjoying your vanilla soy mocha latte (no foam, extra whipped cream, light sprinkles),
Nope. The few times I’ve been to Starbucks has been for a chai latte. Real milk.
and for no goddamned reason you just started crying because you love your kitty SO much?
Yes, yes, yes! All my cute little kitties! Fuck, I don’t even have soy products to blame for it!
Did you cry during Serenity when Wash died?
It was more outrage, really. What a stupid goddamned scene. When Wash died, so did my interest in the Firefly setting, really.
Have fun,
December 13th, 2006 at 2:31 pm
Where’s the study that shows eating testosterone enhanced beef leads to body hair and lesbianism?
December 13th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
Lesbians are hawt and hair can be shaved. So were only worried about stuff that turns men gay cuz thats icky.
Damn, I was gonna watch Serentiy when I got home. What’s the point now? sigh.
Dave (someone stole my cool internet name)
December 13th, 2006 at 4:26 pm
Wash dying made me cry as all my delusions of a firefly return to teevee were shattered. Now all I can hope for is a sequel to the buffy in space movie *sigh*.
December 13th, 2006 at 5:42 pm
After Wash’s death I stood up in the theater, looked around at the sad faces and cheered over the sobbing sounds that echoed the walls, I was booed and yelled at immediately. My brother-in-law pulled me back into my seat causing him to spill his drink all over my sister. This happened at a midnight showing where a lot of hardcore fans were dressed up in Firefly garb, I could have perished, but instead I won a firefly comic/poster and I gave it to my sister to repair faction.
December 13th, 2006 at 8:25 pm
I can’t believe I’m the first one to post this…
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf Grande, half-soy, half-low-fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low and one NutraSweet.” Oooooh, you’re a HUGE asshole.
and apparently… gay.
December 14th, 2006 at 5:19 am
At least all the advertising mogul’s can now start rolling out their new, gay male targeted milk adverts…
Got Soy?
Though they should totally leave out the penis shrinking byline.
I hope that Jim adds your ‘totally accurate gay test’ questionnaire to the end of his article…
December 14th, 2006 at 8:57 am
So that’s what happened to my penis!!
December 14th, 2006 at 10:16 am
*sobs* my poor cat *sobs* we loved him so much *sobs* but now he’s gone to kitty heaven.
Although actually for the last two years of his life his control of his excretory faculties was intermittent, which I’m sure was almost as traumatic for him as it was for the person who had to clean it up, so I’m not _that_ sad.
December 15th, 2006 at 4:48 am
I’m allergic to Oestrogen…
December 15th, 2006 at 6:39 pm
Wow, fundamentalist christian homophobe daily thinks tofu causes gay. I am shocked. Nevermind that its actually the opposite effect as Ayla pointed out, or that being gay has nothing to do with estrogen levels, but the numbers are too small to make any difference unless you are taking soy protein suppliments. Just eating a little tofu isn’t going to do anything.
Funny how something perceived as “girly” like tofu gets the blame, but something “manly” like beef gets a free pass even though it contains actual estrogen. I’m pretty sure being near pink things causes gay too.
December 23rd, 2006 at 8:50 pm
If you really miss your kitty, consider a previous life bio.