Tertio Life
At least, that's what I'm calling it. And you should call it that too. Tertio Life. Because years from now, in a pathetic attempt at relevance, I'm going to run around bragging that I coined the phrase first, and you're going to get to go around bragging that you helped.
Raph has announced his new gig, and while there is great temptation to compare it to Second Life, I happen to know that they are in no way comparable. You see, in an exclusive interview, I sat down with Raph Koster yesterday and picked his brains on what exactly the dealio is with Areae. And by "sat down with Raph Koster," I mean that in the most I'm-So-Full-Of-Shit,-I'm_Pretty-Sure-Raph-Koster-Wouldn't-Sit-With-Me- If-I-Were-The-Last-"Journalist"-(And-I-Say-"Journalist"-With-The- Really-Pointy-Finger-Quotes)-On-The-Planet way possible. Anyway, here's what I learned.
Top 6 ways in Which Areae Inc's upcoming title, Tertio Life, Will Be Completely Different From Second Life. (Yes, 6. Because nobody does Top 6 lists, and that makes me special.)
6. In Second Life, everyone is a man playing a woman. In Tertio Life, everyone is also a man playing a woman, but this is backed by solid game design fundamentals.
5. Linden Labs sounds like a cloning research facility for the Johnson Administration. Areae sounds…unpronounceable.
4. You can buy a penis in Second Life for about $5. Penis in Tertio Life only available after unlocking Jedi level.
3. Average Second Life Citizen unable to tell difference between game and real life. Average Tertio Life player unable to tell difference between what Raph fucked up, and what Sony fucked up after Raph left. [Captain's Log, Personal: Why don't I ever have any friends?]
2. In Second Life, you can pay to be raped. In Tertio Life…no, wait…Jesus fucking Christ, players in Second Life pay to be raped? What is wrong with you people?!
1. Two words: Precasting. You heard it here first.
December 19th, 2006 at 5:51 am
I wonder if they sell both sides of the rape fantasy, and if it will be as sick and creepy as that scene in Se7en that they don’t actually show you where John Doe makes the guy where that giant knife outfit and, you know… ick.
Every day, I learn another reason why I don’t want to play Second Life. Thanks Amber!
December 19th, 2006 at 6:16 am
4. You can buy a penis in Second Life for about $5. Penis in Tertio Life only available after unlocking Jedi level.
thanks for the coffee out of the nose moment.
December 19th, 2006 at 8:34 am
Wouldn’t “Third Life” be more consistent and less pretentious sounding than “Tertio Life”?
And BTW, you should have totally lied and said you sat down with Raph Koster. I’m a new reader to your blog and was ready to be totally impressed. Nice going.
December 19th, 2006 at 8:49 am
Welcome Red Bull! Sorry to let you down. If it’s any consolation, there’s a really good chance that Raph and I share the same license plate design. We’re practically related!
Tertio is a play on Raph’s company’s name, Areae. It’s also an opportunity to finally use that semester of Latin my college roommate said I’d never use. In your face ex-roommate!
December 19th, 2006 at 9:20 am
So I can buy back the penis I lost from drinking too much soy milk?? Excellent!! Make it an XXXL, please.
December 19th, 2006 at 11:41 am
If I buy that penis, does it come in a box?
(JT FTW!. Somewhat NSFW)
December 19th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
LOL
Dave (someone stole my cool internet name)
December 19th, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Check your email, Amber.
if you were on AIM right now, we’d alreayd be doing an interview.
December 19th, 2006 at 11:12 pm
*sigh* That’s what I get for playing designated driver tonight. Typical!
Coming up tomorrow: I fake interview Bob Saget and Toby McGuire, and then sit glued to AIM all night.
December 20th, 2006 at 12:18 am
[...] All in all, fun times. Of course, the single most incisive and accurate set of comments came from the inimitable Amber Night. I cannot do them justice with a brief summary, but she’ll be glad to know that she briefly incapacitated John Donham with her stunning accuracy and agile wit. For 30 seconds anyway, until he got over it. [...]
December 20th, 2006 at 3:36 am
Wow. Just… wow.
Isn’t there some kind of natural law about packing so much humor, so many inside jokes and double entendres into so few words? We’ve got to be dangerously close to critical mass here…
I mean: light-sabres as phallic substitute. This post has multiple strata, for pete’s sake…
December 20th, 2006 at 9:53 am
2. In Second Life, you can pay to be raped. In Tertio Life…no, wait…Jesus fucking Christ, people in Second Life pay to be raped? What is wrong with you people?!
I love you Amber. Not in that creepy ‘Second Life with three penii’ sort of way either. I love you in that ‘OMG that was so funny, if I ever meet this person I owe them a beer!’ sort of way. Funnies thing I’ve read in a long time. Well done!
December 20th, 2006 at 11:39 am
So did you get an interview with Raph?!?!
Dave (someone stole my cool internet name)
December 20th, 2006 at 11:42 am
Amber -
Wonderful (alas, my backlink didn’t work).
December 20th, 2006 at 4:45 pm
@PlayNoEvil: Sorry, sometimes trackbacks don’t work. I don’t know if it’s something I broke, or a Wordpress bug.
@Dave: Ask me tomorrow.
@Grimwell: Okay, I’ll buy second round.
@Craig. Gold star for you. You see that everyone? Craig gets a gold star. *That’s* how we do it around here. To review: Blogtroll: No stars. Craig: Gold star. Now, let’s be careful out there, people.
December 20th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
Wow! My ex-wife has had my penis in her freezer for the last 13 years and you say I can get it back for only 5 bucks?
Gimme some of that!
December 21st, 2006 at 1:10 am
[...] All in all, fun times. Of course, the single most incisive and accurate set of comments came from the inimitable Amber Night. I cannot do them justice with a brief summary, but she’ll be glad to know that she briefly incapacitated John Donham with her stunning accuracy and agile wit. For 30 seconds anyway, until he got over it. [...]
December 21st, 2006 at 5:26 am
How can anyone even think of having top 10’s now that you have proven that 6 is enough, Amber?
Now I hope everyone catches on and stops with those extra 4 rubbish ones. Then again maybe other people need 10 chances. Because maybe 9 times out of 10 they get it wrong :S
December 23rd, 2006 at 3:28 pm
LOL johnson administration.
I’ll play anything with precasting.