2007 New Year’s Resolutions I’d Like To Hear
Happy New Year!
Inspired by Arianna Huffington, I thought I'd throw together a list of New Year's resolutions I'd personally like to hear from the industry.
- "I will only use words like "ground-breaking" and "revolutionary" when moving the first shovel-full of dirt at a new construction site, or toppling governments, respectively, unless the shit I'm hawking really is no-shit ground-breaking and revolutionary, which it most definitely is not, so I'll just stop saying it altogether. - The entire gaming Industry
- I will stop releasing games before they are playable. - The entire MMO industry
- I will stop buying gold/items/characters and learn to play the goddamned game, so that others less financially fortunate than my greedy fucking self can also enjoy the game the way it was meant to be played. - Assholes who support the RMT industry
- I will die. Horribly. I will then be resuscitated, so that I may die horribly again. - The RMT industry
- Every time I KS, I will punch myself in the groin. - KS'ers everywhere
- I will post more Cardboard Tube Samurai, and possibly even do a monthly spin-off. - Penny Arcade
- Because you (didn't) asked for it: more Blog Playhouse Theater in 2007. - Amber
- I will get serious about the Mac as a gaming platform. - Apple
- I will stop parking so goddamned close to Amber's car that she has to climb in and out through the passenger side. See those white fucking stripes? Yeah, those. My tires belong on the left side of that line. Always. - Amber's dumbass neighbor
- I will learn math. - Linden Labs
- Corollary: I will learn basic research. - The Press
- I will get past this idiocy that "the community" means "only those who post on our official boards." - The gaming industry
- I will learn to treat my customers as human beings. - Sony Online Entertainment
- I'm sorry for neglecting "the one that brung me," and will try harder with Warhammer. - EA/Mythic
- I will stop trying to convince people that Richard Bartle is dead. - Amber
Did I miss any?
January 1st, 2007 at 4:27 pm
I will repeat kindergarten through the tenth grade. – All cretins who butcher their first language and write in an inane argot.
I will realize other mmogs exist and stop arguing logical fallacies against the ones I never played, or I will poop in my socks, and flail my arms about after I light myself on fire. – Fanbois
We will learn how to write meaningful paragraphs and only state our point once per every five pages – MMOG Forums
I will punish all furries who encroach Second Life and give them leprosy. – God
I will take the risk and strive for at least a few innovations instead of copying the bible, “how to make diku for dumb asses”. – The devs
I will trick Amber into believing I am Bob Saget. – Krones
I will eviscerate Krones and feed the remains baby monkeys because that’s the one thing he never wanted. – Amber after finding out about Krones’s skullduggery.
Happy New Year!
January 1st, 2007 at 5:07 pm
I will stop comparing SL’s numbers to WoW’s numbers unless I am willing to expend at least 100 words on how the two systems are vastly different.
- Other Press Types
I will play Area, no matter what it is, for 8 hours a day while pronouncing it, “Aureole” in my head and giggling.
- All of Us
I will make Spore the coolest, greatest, most ground-breaking, revolutionary game in the history of the universe and I will release it on schedule if I have to pawn my soul to Jerry Springer to make that happen.
- Will Wright
I will not mock furries until I have walked a mile in their shoes. Except they don’t wear shoes. So… Uh… Well… Back to the mocking.
- Everyone Else
January 2nd, 2007 at 3:17 am
You had me at ‘playhouse’ ;p
January 3rd, 2007 at 5:42 am
The “required” in my game’s required specs will mean “required to play the game at a reasonably enjoyable level” instead of “required to run the installer, but not actually play the game”.
-PC Game Developers
January 3rd, 2007 at 4:20 pm
“We will stop encouraging people to refer to Second Life as a game or as an MMORPG, and we will admit our graphics engine is horrible.” ~Linden Labs
“I will try to say some nice things about the game industry this year.” ~Nicodemus