Elven Shoplifter Chooses A Mortal Life
Ranger accomplice escapes into wild.
From Metro.co.uk:
A man accused of robbing a Belfast lingerie shop at knifepoint has fallen back on a time honoured defence – namely, his claim that he believed he was a female elf at the time.
Belfast Crown Court was told by the prosecution that 45-year-old Robert Boyd from Broadlands, Carrickfergus had held up the shop, Orchid, while disguised in a wig, hat and sunglasses. He allegedly made off with bras, knickers, stockings and suspender belts.
I'm skeptical. He had me at "bras, knickers," and "stockings," but lost me at "suspender belts." No Firstborn would be caught dead in suspenders. Hmmm…unless he's a Wood Elf. That might work.
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March 8th, 2007 at 9:54 am
Those Wood Elves always were a spongey lot.
March 8th, 2007 at 10:00 am
Is it possible that what the article calls a suspender belt is what we would call a garter belt in the USA? Hot Elves in garter belts 4 teh win!
March 8th, 2007 at 10:14 am
Hmmm, you might be right. In this case the “Hot El[f] in garter belts” is a 45 year-old man from Belfast, but the good news is that 45 is about 16 in Elf years. Maybe I could talk the court into having him clean my pool for community service…
March 8th, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Love the embedded pic with the caption “what a female elf may look like…”
They could at least have used a pic with Kate Blanchett, or pointy ears. and they call themselves journalists, pfffft.
March 8th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
45 is, I think, just over legal age for Elves. Which is good so that Amber doesn’t go to jail, I guess.
Now, I’m not one to dismiss the allure of an elleth in garters… However. There are no shortage of trees around, say, Rivendell and the other two loci of Elves have “wood” in the names. So maybe what this guy meant was not that he was a lady elf, but that he was a lumberjack elf. And that’s OK.
March 9th, 2007 at 11:49 am
Well, if it works, I know what defense I’ll use if I get into legal trouble.
“You tried to kill the president!”
“Oh, uh… I thought I was a female elf at the time.”
…
“You robbed 26 banks!”
“I thought I was a female elf at the time, sorry”
et cetera…
March 9th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Unfortunately, that defense doesn’t always work.
“Your design documents suck!”
“I thought I was a female elf at the time.”
“… Quit playing WoW.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Are you one of those idiot level 1 female dancing night elves I saw in Ironforge?”
“…yeah.”
“YOU FIRED!”
“NO YOU FIRED!”