Purity Bawl
And then there are those rare days where Second Life seems less disturbing than First Life.
In what is becoming a trend among conservative Christians in the United States, girls as young as nine are pledging to their fathers to remain virgins until they wed, in elaborate ceremonies dubbed "Purity Balls."
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Many fathers at the ceremonies also slip "purity rings" around the finger of their misty-eyed daughters or offer them "chastity bracelets" and other jewelry that the girls can entrust to their husbands on their wedding night.
…
"The father makes a pledge that he is going to keep his mind pure and be faithful to her mother and there is also a time when there is a conversation about putting the right kinds of things in your mind, such as the father not using pornography," Leslee Unruh, founder of Abstinence Clearinghouse, a leader in the so-called purity movement, told AFP in describing the balls.
Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "that's some weird shit, even for the religious right." I thought so too at first. Which is why I had the Amber Night Megalomedia research team leap into action to uncover the hidden truths. Turns out it's all perfectly normal. And to prove it, here are 71 perfectly normal aspects of Purity Balls my researchers uncovered.
7. Father-daughter nipple piercing totally optional.
6. As in real, non-incestuous wedding kisses, tongue is considered tacky and should be avoided.
5. Event culminates in father-daughter purity bundling.
4. Spirited game of dodge-purity-ball determines virginal sacrifice (usually the wheelchair girl) to the Great and Terrible…but I've said too much.
3. Courtesy daddies available at the door to orphans/girls with 2 mommies/naughty girls. Small deposit required.
2. Vows culminate in daughter's ceremonial dance on the "purity pole" while fathers signify approval by rewarding their daughters with "purity dollars."
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The whole time I read this I thought that there was no “i” in Purity.
and it still made perfect sense.
That video is Disturbing with a capital D.
Do the little boys have ceremonies that purify their balls? Seems only fair I would think.
Aren’t we just poking fun at something ‘different’ and ‘strange’ by our own standards? What is so bad about a ceremony that asks girls to stay chaste and asks dads to stop spanking the monkey to Internet porn when he has a wife in bed waiting for him? Mocking the Christians for being true to their faith is the same as mocking Atheists, or picking on fat people, or women, or any other group.
Heck, my question is “Why aren’t they asking their sons to be chaste and mothers to be monogamous?” You could pair this with a Quinceañera later in the girls life and it would be a meaningful and symbolic transition from girl to teen to woman. I certainly don’t want my daughters to start having sex when they are that young.
Not trying to be a stick in the mud, I don’t subscribe to a Church so I’m not acting out of defense of my own personal beliefs, but I think it is silly to mock Christians when our society is supposed to have evolved to the point that anyone who isn’t poking babies with a hot stick should be able to do their own thing, ya know…
It’s a fair question Grimwell. The short and snarky answer is simply that it’s an incredibly easy target.
The longer and unsnarkier answer is that I believe the function is yet another attempt by fundamentalists to control every aspect of women’s lives. I mean, it’s not enough that the father is the patriarch. Now he demands a ceremonial exchange of vows that’s pretty much one-sided. The girl (as young as 9) is forced to accept trinkets that are really nothing more than symbolic chastity belts. And while these chastity belts carry none of the physical horrors their historical counterparts had, they retain the same aspect of psychological control over the girl. They are not the chaste equivalent of a wedding ring, they are a symbol of dominance. They are only a few degrees of separation from a burkha.
And the quid pro quo is that the father promises to be faithful to his wife and forgo porn. Yeah, that’s fair. Not to mention none of the daughter’s business. And because a father-daughter relationship is inherently asymmetrical, it’s also completely unenforceable on the daughter’s part. The father retains complete power in this arrangement.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with “saving” yourself for marriage, that’s a very personal decision. Your parents should be there to help you with the skills it takes to make that decision, but the final decision belongs to the girl, not the father.
I’m good with that answer. Not that you need my approval.
And now you know why I went with ridicule in the main post. It seemed less controversial.
Parenting is about indoctrination. Parenting is about control. A ten-year old isn’t capable of making good decisions as they lack context, experience and the ability to properly weight future consequences. I’d like to think that this is an effort to regain control and institute some interference for girls who face constant bombardment of sexuality from popular media.
I googled the average age at which girls are losing their virginity and the first answer I found suggested 12. The average age, according to the majority of other responses, was 15 or 16. Do you believe the average American girl – who not only has an IQ a standard deviation or two below yours but also is MUCH less practiced at forming her own independent opinions – has the ability to properly defend herself against the pressure of her boyfriend to have sex?
If it is an informed decision, I’m fine with that. More power to her. I hope the guy is good so she has a great first experience. But how much more often is sex at that age a result of the girl getting tired of saying no?
Another issue with this if you read the article, is statistically not only does it not work, but it makes it worse in the fact that the “chaste” daughter when she does have pre marital sex, and it seems most who take these vows do, they typically engage in far riskier behavior. It’s really no different then abstinence only education. While a good idea on paper, reality has a tendency to give different results.
Which is why these ceremonies are ridiculous. It gives the parents the appearance of doing right by their kids but without all the messy education about actual sexual pressures and dangers that they certainly will encounter.
So when Sally comes home with the clap or pregnant, everyone at church will know that it’s not Mom and Dad’s fault – they must have learned it in that dirty school system.
Getting tired of saying no? Wow, by an assumption that you’ve asked many girls for the deed, can it be safe to assume that you have not had any yet?
Seriously, can you believe that statement that you’ve made? People are tempted day in, day out by a number of things and you think that they “tire” and do not have conviction?! Maybe I should just ask the next 40 people and see how many positive answers I get.
Tim I think the difference is that you’re saying “no” continually to someone whom you believe you love and whom you believe loves you. That actually does begin to wear on a person. You get a young girl in love with some guy and he wants to and she’s got this oath she made when she was nine. If that’s all she’s got then it isn’t going to stand up. So looking at the ceremony it seems naieve to believe it’s got even as good a chance of retaining potency five or six years down the line as the average marraige currently does – which is not much. It’s not like the intents at the beginning aren’t sincere, it’s that commitment is about more than initial sincerity and a ceremony. If these guys want their children to be responsible about sex they’re going to have to actually engage them in a serious conversation about it, and educate them about thier options, and the likely outcomes there of. That however isn’t the way the religious right approaches things, and why they have a bad enough record getting results that one can deride them on it without having to reach too far.
Sweet, I give on this point. However, if you read just the statement above on face value, it does not say this. My attempt at snarking was no where near that of our great writer Amber
(no, Amber, that’s a compliment, not a snark!). Sadly, this is a world where respect is not taught and drives this behavior of boys continually pressuring a girl who said no.
I’m in complete agreement on this point. There are MANY topics that need to be discussed like this – drugs, alcohol, sex, education, careers, respect, etc. Not all are negative and this BS replacement for true parenting is ridiculous. This is just but one example of the religious right and one topic for parents to discuss, and an easy one to attack.
I think what disturbs me the most about these purity balls is the pole dancing. That just can’t be right.
Wow, someone has issues.
Yeah, guys just love getting dressed up in a monkey suit and participating in awkward formal ceremonies. That’s why we spend our lives looking forward to our weddings, and plan the whole thing ourselves. Maybe you should reserve judgment until you’ve met an evil christian family, and seen how the girls look forward to this stupid excuse to wear a dress just like they look forward to every other stupid excuse to wear a dress.
And how is a wedding ring not a symbol of dominance? Just because the jewelry industry scammed north americans into adding a ring for the groom too? Symbols of dominance are only symbols of dominance if you want them to be.
Its plenty of her business. They believe that dad will go to hell for looking at porn. Its the entire families concern to keep him out of hell. And its completely unenforcable both ways, its making promises to each other, its not controlling behaviour.
The desire to see sexism and oppression in everything says more about you than the people you claim are oppressing women.
But seriously Joe, the pole dancing is pretty messed up…
I’m continually amazed (well, for 4 minutes every month or so) by how an excellent blog that’s mostly about gaming and entertainment, and occasionally has great comments/posts about how sexist the gaming industry can be, can then go hoopty wango mad spaz on Christians because, well…
it’s an easy target.
‘Cause, well… it’s bad for Christians to make gross, superficial, generalizations about gamers based on hyped-up, marginally entertaining, spaced-out cultural stories that are, essentially, nothing but jingoistic spoo. But it’s OK to do it the other way.
And it’s cool to look at a nation where nearly 160 million adults are Christian, and make a statement like, “what is becoming a trend,” about something that 1,400 of them do. That could be a trend, I guess. Small trend. Micro-trend. Doesn’t imply anything about the other 159.95 million of us, I guess.
And it’s also OK, I guess, to use some pretty raunchy sexual humor about fathers and pre-teen daughters in the post itself. In spite of the fact that we just had, I don’t know.. two? three? posts ago?… a pretty in-depth discussion about the use of gender-related humor in gaming blogs… Because we’re talking about religion now, rather than gaming. Which is open to raunchy ridicule and can’t be taken seriously. Off-color humor about women in games = bad. Off-color humor about girls/dads in Christian ceremonies = good.
I’m not saying I don’t think these “Purity Balls” aren’t kinda creepy. Personally, as a Methodist, I think that discussions between parents and children about virginity and pre-marital sex should be held in a vault, deep beneath the surface of the earth, using code language, stick-figure pictures and hand waving signals. Preferably while the children are asleep and in another room. Possibly before they are born. Frankly, these things are better learned at school from people who have had their sense of shame beaten out of them by years of rigorous training; ie, junior-high teachers.
Regardless of my personal feelings on this particular religious subject though, I’m gonna keep on keepin’ on when it comes to pointing out that not all 160 million Christians are kooks, and that you seem to be applying the same treatment to us that you don’t like being applied to other groups (chicks) in similar circumstances.
For fuck’s sake. Andy, I think I was pretty clear about my explanation being about fundamentalists, not mainstream Christians. The event is hosted by, and attended by, fundamentalists. They’re not representative Christians (and you know it), and I think I was pretty clear on that when I said “I believe the function is yet another attempt by fundamentalists to control every aspect of women’s lives.” Criticize if you must but don’t put words in my mouth or attribute crap to me that just isn’t true. I’m not going to caveat every goddamned thing I write so as to cover every single angle that someone might be able to take out of context for the purpose of being offended. (And I apologize for the harsh tone, but that was completely unfair.)
Eh, just another hypochristian getting his panties all up in a bunch for no reason. Playing the persecution card.
Though, your data’s off Andy. Out of 300,000,000 people (give or take a few thousand, by now) 79.8% of the United States claim to be christian. That’s 239,400,000, give or take.
If you’re going to rip into someone for “offending” you (which, it seems to me that you decided you were going to take offense to it regardless of the fact that you obviously have nothing to do with it), at least get your own facts straight.
I’m being to think that the YPoJ has some deep-seated issue with poles. Is it possible that a future novelette might reveal that seedy past? I’m on the edge of my seat…
If she’s going to be doing an issue with Poles, I want white go-go boots too! Ohh ohh and pigtails, and .. and .. and … a plaid miniskirt. I know it would clash with the yellow poncho, but I’ll let it pass.
@Sweetmeat: An Excellent Idea!!
@Amber and the Not For Prime Time Purity Ballers:
Where is the “Boy’s Keep Ur C@#*s In Ur Pants” Ball. To think, it was all those nasty, dirty, cooties sporting Christian girly girls that were corrupting the males of Amerca. I knew them chikies was up to sumpin.
Dude I will be educating my daughter on this stuff…I am quite sure I’d rather have her Know whats up and how to act then extract a promise that may become a point of friction between us. Though first off she’s goin to train up in some Judo/Kung Fu/ Tae Kwan Do carp for the frisky horndogs out there. I can see it now:
Her: “Daddy he tried to hug me…..so i put his face through a car window……5 times. Was that ok?”
Me: That’ll do baby girl….that’ll do. Though you might wanna tell the pastor it was just a joke. “
So, it’s OK to attack/harass/abuse a group as long as it’s not a group Amber belongs in. I get it now. I’m a little slow, but I finally understand. This isn’t the place of intelligent discussion on video games I thought it was originally. This is just a blog for taking pot shots at anyone who isn’t the same kind of extremist as our lovely host and her winged monkies.
I think I’ve read enough now. I’ll just note some of the useful sidebar links and bother you no more.
Maniac: Lay off Andy – he’s one of the good guys (in that he usually provides a thoughtful counterpoint to our gracious host).
Bug & Andy: Nobody even mentioned Christians in commenting until Andy did. I saw “Christians” in the main article, but that’s from yahoo for crying out loud. Do you think because the article is about something that some Christians do that ALL criticism of the event is directed solely at Christians?
This is a creepy thing and deserves to be mocked. Not only for being creepy, but also for being another attempt in a long history of trying to keep kids from doing it by telling them “God says so” or “but you promised” instead of talking to them and educating them. I went to an all-boys Catholic School and they told us “keep it in your pants,” but they also went on to give us reasons besides “it’s a sin.” You know- STDs, pregnancy, the end of your life. And explained to us exactly how it worked so you couldn’t have any “accidents.” It was kind of just assumed that we were dumbasses, so they educated us. (No creepy altar boy jokes, please.) From what I heard, the girls schools did it pretty much the same way. No promises, no rings, just, “Don’t. And if you do, at least don’t screw up your future.”
Bug: You seem to be getting increasingly surly. What happened to the guy who said this:”Ya, I get what Amber is saying, everything is sarcasm, embellishment and bitter irony to her, that’s what makes this blog so much fun to read even while disagreeing with most of it…”? I mean, you were here for Crusader pajamas and Ultra-Christian War Camps. You know how she rolls.
(tried to link to previous posts, but wouldn’t work)
@Maniac-X: Not sure what a “hypochristian” is. “Hypo” being a Greek prefix usually meaning an unusually low amount of something or something being below something else; eg, “hypoglycaemia” being low blood sugar and “hypothalamus” being the region of the brain below the thalamus. I assume you meant “hyper” rather than “hypor,” or “hyperchristian,” meaning that either I’m hyperactive about my Christianity and could use a dose of something like atheistic Ritalin (metaphorically speaking) and should calm down, or that I’m overly-Christian; ie, that I hold my beliefs “too highly,” ie above other beliefs that should be more important. If that was your intent… sure. I’m hyperchristian. I’m also hyperpoetic, hyperlinguistic, hypergamerific, hyperpaternal, hyperspousal, hyperhirsute and hyperjovial.
As for panties, I wear boxers. As for persecution, I never said nothing about Christians, myself or others, being persecuted, and I won’t. Didn’t play that card, won’t see me do so. We’re not, it’s stupid to say so, and if anybody here plays that card, I’ll call ‘em on it, too.
As to my facts, check my link. I sited the CUNY Graduate Center’s 2001 “American Religious Identification Survey,” which is where the data in your Wikipedia link originated. And I used the term “adults” not people, which is why my number is smaller.
And I never said I was offended, either. What I said was…
@Amber: For fuck’s sake right back… Did you post this because you have an overriding concern about the state of Fundamentalist Christian churches’ treatment of women? Or because it makes a segment of Christianity look like goony birds? If the former… well, I didn’t see that in the original post. And (my bad) I didn’t read your later comment until after I got done with my rant. My apologies for that.
What struck me most about the whole thing, though, was the juxtaposition of poking fun at a group of people who are very different than you (and me, for that matter), using what many might describe as off-color and gender related humor:
- Father-daughter nipple piercing.
- Father-daughter purity bundling.
- … virginal sacrifice (usually the wheelchair girl)
- … daughter’s ceremonial dance on the “purity pole” while fathers signify approval by rewarding their daughters with “purity dollars.”
Now, personally, I find the post funny. But that’s because I have a high tolerance for most kinds of humor. I haven’t been offended since 1986. Seriously. You can try. But if you’re going to tell me on Monday that somebody else’s post having some fun with a girl playing Wii in her underwear is inappropriate and contributes to overall bad societal gender vibes… and on Wednesday you’re going to have some fun with some other people’s pre-teens, and crack some pole dancing, virgin sacrifice, father/daughter tongue-kissing and nipple piercing jokes… I’m gonna call ya on it.
Humor is tough. Satire is tough. Irony is tough. I have a sense of humor about my religion, actually, which I tried to convey (a little, perhaps badly) with that bit about “a vault underneath the earth.” You know… throw some ha-ha in to show that you’re not a hypochristian.
And I’m more than willing to have a discussion about the aspects of modern Christianity — both fundamentalist and mainstream — that are meaningfully relevant, both to issues of gender politics and games. But the point of all posts on this blog (and many others in game/tech land) about anything Christian seems to be, “They suck and are lame.” And the point of the recent post about women bloggers as part of a diversity issue seemed to be, “Let’s not make them feel like they suck and are lame by having posts about tits and tit jokes.”
I’m not mad, complaining or asking for special treatment or playing the victim card. Really. It just seems that if you want respect for a group that you think is portrayed unfairly and narrowly, you should be willing to serve some of that up in the other direction. And, again, while I think your post was funny, I’d just like to point out that 1,400 people doing a weirdo purity ball is nothing when compared to UMCOR, for example.
Wii panty girl vs. pole dancing purity ball pre-teen fundamentalistl. Now THAT is a DDR death-match I’d pay to see.
The creepy incestuous angle was written even in to CNN source article, from the “No sex please, we’re daddy’s little girls” headline down. Amber couldn’t have avoided it if she tried. The ritual, at least for those who can find it ridiculous, helps show why it’s not totally great for fathers to have specific ideas about their young daughters’ future sex lives (which is also a cliche theme in family entertainment).
I don’ think the problem with the Wii panty girl article was ever the raunchiness, but the assumptions about its readers and its context. Amber is not waging some kind of “ladies for decency and respect!” war here, she’s waging a “grow up you 30 year-old men who try to turn every conversation to boobies” war. Her consistent argument is freedom of expression and self-definition for women and girls. Duh.
@Andy: You are a god of words. I used to come here to see what the strange one was up to today, now its about how you would take it and coment on it. I think I’m gonna start a Andy Havens Fanboi site…..now if i can just find that “Interweb Fer Dummis” book.
“I’m hyperchristian. I’m also hyperpoetic, hyperlinguistic, hypergamerific, hyperpaternal, hyperspousal, hyperhirsute and hyperjovial. ”
That there is a lot o Hypernessness. Ritalin…..meh, not enough of it in the world to combat all that.
@Andy
Sorry but you’re reading too much into the “hypochristian” thing. It is simply naught but a mishmash of the words “Hypocrite” and “Christian,” in that order.
As for your playing the persecution card, no you didn’t use that word directly, but it was implied.
Seriously though, you take yourself far too seriously. Pull the stick out, and crack a smile. Take a few deep breaths, and get over it already.
@Maniac: Ah. Hypocrite. I get it. Sorry.
I’ll leave it for 48 hours or so to see if anyone else want to play the “Irony Card” on Maniac, or if I’ll have to come back and do the heavy lifting.
I happen to be a Christian mother of two boys (16 & 10) and I have given my eldest son a purity ring. I will go into that in a minute, but I wanted to speak to the critics of the “purity balls” for just a moment.
Within the Christian faith (or Judaism or Islam, for that matter) the culture states that the man is the general authority, meaning he has the responsibility to provide for, and protect, his family (wife, children and any living parents, if they are in need.) I know this may sound extremely archaic to many but within it lies a system that can work. The idea is NOT to stifle women at all; that is a much-maligned stereotype (much like the stereotypes of black people, Mexican people, Italians, Polish, etc.. that has been exaggerated in movies, books, the press and by a minority of fundamentalists. The woman is completely equal to the man in her relationship to God and her inheritance in His kingdom, but there cannot be two leaders in any organization, either religious or secular; that‘s clear. If there are, there will always be strife, disagreements, disappointments, disbanding. The man is to consult the woman, as his closest counselor, in all things in life and make use of her input to help make informed decisions.
Because STD’s are becoming so common as well as the simple fact that women cannot have sex and not “bond” to a man (there is a specific chemical reaction that takes place within a woman’s body and brain: see the book “Unprotected“ and additional studies) that should be her husband, and unmarried pregnancies now almost outnumber married pregnancies, it is reasonable to talk to our children about the benefits of waiting for marriage. To that end, we talk to our children about taking responsibility in their lives, and that includes getting married. I don’t think anyone would agree that a man who gets 2, 3, 5 or more women pregnant in his lifetime without committing to one of them is honorable and in doing some elementary math one can see that that proposition would, in essence, affect dozens of lives in the grand scheme of things. We‘ve all seen the devastation of children and women left by men who don‘t actively participate in family life or help financially to raise the children they make. Not only have we seen it, we feel it more every year as taxes are increased to help cover the cost of taking care of these families who depend upon state welfare programs for their sustenance.
As a Christian mother (I am single; I adopted my two abused nephews 9 years ago) I have spoken in very plain terms to both my children since they were young about their bodies, how they are made, what they will feel as they grow older as well as both the wonderful and potentially ugly aspects of sex. Wonderful between a man and wife in a mutually loving relationship; two people committed to each other for life. Ugly between strangers, when it’s rape, between two people who won’t commit to each other especially when a child is the result.
As I said at the beginning, I have also given my eldest son a purity ring as a simple REMINDER to keep himself pure in his mind and deed, throughout his life. This is a REMINDER that the whole world gets every part of him (personality, work ethic, lot’s of time, energy, talent & skill) except for ONE… his sexuality. That ONE part of him should be saved for his wife, the only person who will give that ONE part of her only to him. There’s safety in this thought process, both physically and emotionally. When two people are married and live a life of fidelity to each other, there will always be challenges, but how much easier will they be when the couple is united and truly committed to each other?
And in answer to the great debating question of the times “Is it realistic to think kids are going “wait” in this day and age?” I say, emphatically, “YES.” 99.9999999% of sex acts are those made by CHOICE. (I am NOT trivializing rape – forced, non-consensual sex acts or child molestation, all of which are detestable and need to be more fervently addressed and dealt with by way of punishment in our society.) But the fact is, having sex is a choice made exactly the same way as any other choice made anytime in life. If a person “can’t control” him or herself, that’s a weak excuse for a lame life clearly devoid of any conviction. If they can’t control themselves with respect to something as emotionally and physically serious as sex, can they actually be trusted in business, schools or other organizations?
In participating in these father/daughter events it should also be noted that in most cases, the mother’s ARE involved, unless they are not available to do so. They are taking the girls shopping for their dresses, helping them get ready and talking with them the entire time about how much they are loved and how greatly they should value themselves. I believe the mother’s are always encouraging their daughters, and mother’s probably spend the bulk of their time with their daughters. The “date” between the daughter and father is a wonderful experience for the girl, makes her feel special (especially considering this is a notoriously awkward age and all adolescents are going through strange and unusual changes and don’t always feel very good about themselves.) This event is not incestuous by any stretch of the imagination. First of all, incest doesn’t happen out in the open at some dinner event with hundreds of other people around dancing and celebrating. That is a sarcastic, sophomoric and ignorant-at-best statement that holds zero credibility or truth. In fact, it’s a direct slap in the face to those children who MAY be suffering through abuse of that nature; if ONLY they could get their secret out in public!!
This “event’” is about the father (the authority and “factual” first man in the girls’ life) demonstrating to her how amazing he thinks she is, how she is to be treated, later, by men when she is dating and considering a husband, and how much worth she has in her father‘s eyes, which is also an analogy for the love our Heavenly Father has for us. He is taking the time to show her how valuable she is, not only to him, but should be to others, as well.
How many women out there are walking around looking for the acceptance or love that their father’s never showed them by sleeping with every man who will show her some affection would have LOVED to have been “set apart“ by their fathers in this way? Maybe you were lucky enough to have a significant father or father-figure in your life who showed you your worth, but millions of women have been neglected by fathers who were absent, abusive, neglectful… which speaks, again, to the reason for talking to our boys about purity and responsibility. We don’t want our boys to grow up and not take their responsibilities seriously. A father is just as important to the growth and development of a daughter as a whole person as is a mother, and likewise a mother just as important to a son as a father. Each brings a unique set of characteristics that work together in the raising of children. I’m willing to bet that any of you who were raised by a single parent (most likely a mother) would have given just about anything, at the time, growing up for a “stable, two-parent, secure and happy” household.
Many people today want to ridicule traditional families and values that come with them, but if you know anything about history at all, you will know that when the nuclear family breaks down in a society, it’s imminent fall is not far behind. Clearly, the USA is on that path when people try to shame a ritual that is actually hundreds of years old, that we fell away from for awhile, but that one part of the community is trying to restore. Do you ridicule in the same way the rituals of Bar of Bat Mitzvah’s in separating young teenagers from childhood and setting new responsibilities on them? Do you ridicule in the same way the elite’s debutante balls, or other organization initiation rituals?
It’s not surprising considering most people (throughout time) don’t have a moral compass. For many, there is no absolute right or wrong, just whatever is “right” for whatever person and any given time. As Christians, we live by the commandments of the bible and no truer statement was made but that we are all sinners and every single one of us make mistakes, sometimes very big ones. EVERY one of us falls short, and if we are true to our faith in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit, we will be repentant and try to do better next time, but we still see the value of trying to live as closely to what scripture commands as possible. In doing so, we want to pass this value system on to our children, along with all the pertinent information about the potential dangers of society as they relate to our lives in it.
Can it be so wrong to want to expect the best from our children for their best? Can it be so wrong to fully expect them to own their actions and decisions and give them information to make “informed decisions“ but expect them to choose what is right and hold them accountable? Of course they will fall short and some more than others but having something tangible like a purity ring and a memory of a special night with daddy speaking love and integrity and value to her may remind her of her promise to herself, her father and God just when she needs it most and she may be able to find some strength in that. Alternatively, she may not, but at least it represents her parents wanting the best for her.
She will, without doubt, grow up and make her own decisions about every aspect of her life, but this may encourage her to reach for a higher standard and be an example to others. These kids ARE out there; making these promises and keeping them until they are married. It doesn’t have to be a foregone conclusion that every single person MUST have sex prior to marriage. The same goes for the boys and their purity rings and rituals. (The boys’ rings, by the way, are masculine and attractive for a young man to wear.) I know this was longer than I expected but I wanted to represent the part of society that most of the people in this forum are seriously questioning and making fun of. Sometimes when we have a better understanding of that which is different from our “norm” we can at least appreciate where the values come from. Our values are rooted in biblical scripture and most of us, honestly, try to live them out every day.
I am also a mother of a 16 yo son (and a 14 yo daughter). However, I am no longer a Christian. Yes, I was fundmentalist for quite a while until about 4 years ago, when I began to question the whats and whys of my acquired beliefs. This was a big no-no (douting is a sin, and rejecting the only unforgivable sin) but I dared to cross that line…took the risk…and have no regrets. Now that I am out of the circle, so to speak, my vision is amazingly clear. Hindsight is 20/20. although I feel my understanding is beneficial from my experience in a strict Christianity.
That prefaced, I cannot conceive of ever giving my children such rings. I believe it to be emotional and spiritual coercion and manipulation based on fear and control. That is NOT to say most parents have good intentions and want what they believe to be best for their children. Don’t we all?
Peer pressure is a powerful thing. Many Christian groups have picked up on this and attempt to use it “for good’ as they see it. But I question whether that ramifications can be just as negative in the long run. I grew up in youth groups and have seen it first hand. I am a little resentful about some of the coercion I’ve met over the years. I still deal with untangling some of the psychological webs of control by guilt and fear used on me. Even the parents are under this pressure, if they want to appear as “good Christian parents” to their friends who are doing this also.
I vow not to do this to my dear children who are growing into adults. We are very proud of where they are at present. I vow to respect their minds as THEIR OWN. We present them with facts (scientific, not the spiritual unknown AS fact) and talk of possible physical and emotional consequences to behaviors. We are doing our part in preparedness in this area—but remember this is a personal area. They will need to make their own responsible decisions. We have confidence they will but don’t feel the need to lord it over them with tangible “reminders” and such. Again, good intentions, but based in fear and control. It’s one thig for an adult to make such a decision on their own, but I’m sad for these kids who are given these rings to wear, even if it is “suggested” because that is an amazingly loaded word in the Christian faith.
Wow – TWO comments on a two month old post. I wonder what rag has revived this ridiculous discussion.
I was just trying to find the last sighting of BugHunter.