Excerpts from My Forthcoming Novel (Based On The Graphic Novel), “Armageddon Clock Zero: Countdown To Infinity: A Yellow Poncho of Justice Novel Based on The Graphic Novel”
Part 1. (Forward by Bob Saget) | Part 2. | Part 3.
Teen Yellow Poncho of Justice.
A Very Poncho Christmas
Autobiography
Part 4 in an ongoing series.
Chapter 13: Death From 80 Million Miles Above
Nothing could save the International Space Station now. The Velociraptor attack had crippled the main propulsion things and the inertial dampeners had dried up completely. Dan Tanner watched helplessly through the porthole as the Earth loomed closer and closer. The edges of the space station began to glow red as it re-entered the atmosphere, but more importantly, The Yellow Poncho of Justice was in deep trouble. Actually, given the situation, it was all pretty equally important.
“I always wanted to be an astronaut,” The Yellow Poncho of Justice mused as she mentally worked out the complex calculus necessary to operate her rocket pack, “but this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.” She ducked another blow from Kraktor the Evil Space Robot, back flipped off the side of the robot’s massive Clawtornator, and landed on the space station’s deflector array. She assumed a crouching, heroic pose.
But Kraktor was not to be denied. “I will not be denied!” Kraktor said in his electronic voice.
“Deny this!” The Yellow Poncho of Justice growled as she hucked the final Disenableator Chip into Kraktor’s only vulnerable spot, a tiny exhaust port only 8 meters across right in the center of his chest. It was a direct hit, and Kraktor instantly exploded into a ring of hot, fiery death.
Dan Tanner’s voice echoed into her communicator. “Woohoo! You’re all clear kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home!”
The Yellow Poncho of Justice turned slowly and faced the porthole. “Easier said than done, Marshall Tanner. There’s only one escape pod left, and I expect you to be in it.”
Marshall Tanner’s face fell through the porthole. Okay, it didn’t actually fall through the porthole, but the Yellow Poncho of Justice could see through the porthole that his face had fallen. And not literally, it’s just that he was very sad. “But…you’ll be killed!”
“I’ll be fine, Tanner. You need to get those blueprints to the President before the Xznhgri attack begins. The fate of the entire universe depends on it!”
Marshall Tanner suppressed a tear. He knew what he had to do. “Will I ever see you again?”
The Yellow Poncho of Justice placed her hand up next to Dan Tanner’s on the porthole, just like Kirk and Spock did in Wrath of Khan when Spock was dying of radiation poisoning. “Not if I see you first.”
The Yellow Poncho of Justice watched silently as the escape pod raced towards Washington as the space station began to fly apart in a burning, fiery display of breaking apartedness. She looked down onto the ever looming features of the Earth. It was all so beautiful. There was the Great Wall of China, and over there was the Grand Canyon, and there was Doogie the Hobo going through her trash again. Crazy old Doogie, he was always doing crazy stuff like that. She never imagined that it would all end this way, crouching heroically on a disintegrating space station millions of miles above the Earth. In a matter of minutes it would all be over, and The Yellow Poncho of Justice would be no more. But at least the Earth would finally be safe.
—
Velociraptor Centurian Schreeeeeawwwkkk activated his targeting computer. “Yellow Poncho of Justice in sight, your Scaliness!”
“Exssssccccelent!” Velociraptor Praetoriat Rrrraaawwwwwkkkkzzzt hissed. “Activate the trans-matter teleportation device. Tonight I dine with the Yellow Poncho of Justice!”
“As you wish,” Schreeeeeawwwkkk replied. “Shall I prepare a main course?”
“Oh, I don’t think that will be necessary,” Rrrraaawwwwwkkkkzzzt replied. “What I mean is, tonight I dine ON the Yellow Poncho of Justice!”
Both Velociraptors cackled evilly. There would be nothing to stop them this time.
§
October 16th, 2007 at 8:43 am
You’re very strange and you have my pity.
Thank you for brightening up my day.
October 16th, 2007 at 9:58 am
You’re very strange. well done you’re just like everyone else who’s worth a damn
October 16th, 2007 at 10:42 am
“and the inertial dampeners had dried up completely.”
I almost missed this. Now I cant stop laughing.
October 16th, 2007 at 11:33 am
It needs something. I’m thinking robots. Robots that morph or “transform” if you will. I’m thinking they could turn into plants.
October 16th, 2007 at 11:49 am
Well, this is only an excerpt. The actual chapter is 187 pages. If you buy the book, you’ll not only learn about Kraktor’s special ability to transform into different shapes and smells, but also his back-story, including his horrible life growing up as an abused-bot and how he’s really just misunderstood. So although you don’t really get the sense just from reading the excerpt, Kraktor is actually a very tragic character. There are some who would draw parallels to Beowulf, and I guess I’ll just have to live with that…
=P
October 16th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
You’re setting the scene for this, aren’t you?
October 17th, 2007 at 5:15 am
If the world could only understand the tragic consequences of an undampened dampener!
October 17th, 2007 at 6:47 am
As I’ve said before, Amber, you are a strange, cinnamon flavored cookie.
October 17th, 2007 at 8:12 am
@Ross Smith: omg that’s so eery! Also, thanks for completely destroying my morning as I absorb the entire contents of xkcd.
@Amel: Which could explain why he keeps violating the restraining order.
October 18th, 2007 at 9:36 am