We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Friday Matinee
Advice from someone whose been there: Even (especially?) when you live in so-called “sunny” California, it’s a good idea to leave your windows rolled up at night. Even when there’s nothing worth taking from the inside of your car, and it would be easier to replace the factory radio than to replace the factory window…even when you park under a carport, alleviating the problems of rainfall…roll ‘em up anyway, mmkay?
This morning, as I was about jump into my contribution to the current oil crisis, I found a (wtf?!?!) raccoon sitting in the drivers side seat in my car, arms extended to roughly 5 o’clock and 7′oclock on the steering wheel, looking at me as if he were expecting me to ride bitch. A couple dazed and confused seconds later (should I give him my key, or does he have his own?), it simultaneously occurred to both of us that each of us was probably a threat to the other. And guess which one of us was blocking the only open window/escape route?
I’ve still got a helluva horror movie scream. I had the opportunity to use it once during a middle school production of “Let’s lodge a garter snake in Amber’s bra strap,” so it’s nice to see I haven’t lost the ability to make eyes bleed through sheer vocal force. I’m sure the raccoon heard it from about 50 feet away, since it took me that long to react to him launching himself out the window, off my shoulder, and onto the carport.
Meanwhile…I’m broke until payday next week, the interior of my car smells like racoon urine, and the weather forcast is for sunny and hot hot hot. This is gonna be a great weekend.
June 27th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Yep. Windows up. It’s a lesson you only have to learn once, either from weather, theft or fauna.
Friend of mine who worked summers near a national park once left his windows all the way open and came back to find a young brown bear stuck in one of them… coming out. Apparently he’d managed to fit going in (as evidenced by a giant load of steaming evidence), but somehow got wedged weird-wise on the way back out.
My sensei for this lesson was a summer hailstorm. Out of nowhere, massive hail storm, with lots of wind. Come out to the car to find it filled about 10″ deep with hail stones the size of Pez.
My sympathies. White vinegar helps cut the scent of animal pee.
June 27th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Oddly enough, another blogger I read offered the same exact advice just a couple hours ago, though his reason was mosquitoes. Comment #22 over there said:
“I don’t know about Minnesota but I know of another good reason here in rural Maine to roll up your windows. Raccoons. Human theft around here may be uncommon but raccoons love to ransack any place they think there might be food or anything else of interest (like many animals they like shiny things).”
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/06/wisdom_from_rural_minnesota.php
June 27th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Ohh…I even read Pharyngula from time to time. Comment #22 would have come in handy yesterday…
June 27th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I had a rather large and very hairy spider drop down from my visor and dangle in front of my face while doing 80 on the highway years ago. I’m so glad nobody was in the car with me as the stories of me screaming like a b-movie horror starlet would linger til the day I died.
I’ve never left my windows down since then.
June 27th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
That Was Funny As Hell.
thanks for the laugh. Sorry about the upholstery. Try baking soda.
June 29th, 2008 at 5:04 am
Huuuuuuuuuush raccoon lover who purposely catches them by leaving her car window rolled down. 105 daily avg on the outskirts of Death Valley so no bragging about sunny days! Next time smash the raccoon and take its brain meat to make some spicy nomz nomz.
June 30th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
that is one funny raccoon, pretending to be driving a car
Kids always love to do that.
July 8th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
I have yet to write up the story for my website but I will soon.
Anyways the short version is that my friend woke up at 2:30 in the morning on this July 5th to sounds coming from his kitchen. He investigated with a loaded .357 in hand. (He lives on the second floor.)
As he flipped the light not more than 5 feet away from him staring him in the face sitting on his counter was the biggest raccoon he had ever seen. He screamed like a little girl and said he was a finger-breadth away from firing the gun and possibly putting some holes in a large raccoon and maybe his next door neighbors.
He quickly opened the front door and screamed for the monster to leave. He now takes this time to point out that he is a 6-foot, slightly overweight at roughly 240 lbs., bald man holding a loaded .357 magnum, screaming and with his front door open. And he is completely naked.
Finally the raccoon left the way it came in; through the 4 inch gap in his second story patio door. (He measured it later.)
In fact he said as he was down on all fours measuring it the patio door was a mirror due to the light from behind him. As he is down in a very vulnerable position the damn coon came back and he looked up and was about 4 inches from its face. Cue second little girl screaming. He said this time the coon got scared and was screaming right along with him.
There are a few more details but those will have to wait until I can do a full write up for my website.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:12 am
Are you absolutely sure it was a raccoon and not a cleverly created animal simulant, spying on you for a super secret government organization? I’ve said too much…