Dammit, Now I Have a Craving For Mountain Gorilla Fajitas
This is so batshit insane, even Orson Scott Card has got to be saying to himself, “wow, that’s more batshit insane than the batshit insane thoughts that course through my batshit insane brain!”
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals plans today to announce an unusual marketing pitch to the U.S. government: Rent us space on the fence for billboards warning illegal border crossers there is more to fear than the Border Patrol.
The billboards, in English and Spanish, would offer the caution: “If the Border Patrol Doesn’t Get You, the Chicken and Burgers Will — Go Vegan.”
“We think that Mexicans and other immigrants should be warned if they cross into the U.S. they are putting their health at risk by leaving behind a healthier, staple diet of corn tortillas, beans, rice, fruits and vegetables,” said Lindsay Rajt, assistant manager of PETA’s vegan campaigns.
This opens up so many advertising opportunities for PETA:
- They could buy advertising space outside Tbilisi that say “If the Georgian Army doesn’t get you, the pelmeni and pierogis will! So…um…go back and eat your own goddamned pelmeni and pierogis…but without meat cuz it’s bad, mmkay?”
- Outside the bird’s nest: “If the smog and militant human rights abuses don’t get you, the kung pao chicken will!”
- At the Democratic National Convention: “If his effeminate elitism and terrorist middle name don’t get you, Obama will kill a million puppies with his bare, effeminate hands!”
- At the Republican National Convention: “He’s oooooooold, and would have a difficult time getting his arthritic hands around the throat of even one puppy. I guess what we’re trying to say here is that John McCain eats meat, and now he will eventually die.”
August 14th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
More frighting to them, I should think, than the notion that they would have to eat fast food would be the notion that they would likely end up having to PREPARE the fast food.
They should just put up big signs saying:
“Say it with me: ‘WOULD YOU LIKE FRIES WITH THAT?’” with a line up of obese, angry americans glaring at them.
August 14th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
Is this racist or just stupid? I mean, many Mexican dishes (not Taco Bell, damit!) actually HAVE meat in them. Meats like beef, chicken, pig, etc….
August 14th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I hope they did it as a joke, not seriously …
August 14th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Of course it’s a joke, PETA is renowned for its sense of humor….
August 14th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Jujusu, you should be writing jokes for Jay Leno, I can’t stop laughing now.
August 14th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
PETA is confused. Everyone knows Mexicans are cannibals. They should encourage them to come into America, as long as they eat meat-eating Americans. I checked the rules, and eating a meat-eater doesn’t count as eating meat, because it’s a zero sum kinda thing. It’s only when you eat vegetarian animals (cows, chickens, sheep, PETA members) that you’re bad.