Amber Night

From CNN:

A policeman and a former corrections officer say that on Friday they will unveil evidence of what they claim is their biggest find ever: the body of Bigfoot.

Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer [worst Eastern European names EVAR! -Amber], a pair of Bigfoot-hunting hobbyists from north Georgia, say they found the creature’s body in a wooded area and spotted several similar creatures that were still alive.

The carcass of the furry half-man, half-ape is 7 feet, 7 inches tall and weighs more than 500 pounds, they say. However, the two are not disclosing the exact location of their discovery to protect the remaining creatures.

And once Georgia’s abonimable army finishes feasting on the fear-etched corpses of the invading Russian Army, their cold, simean eyes will turn Eastward.  As if by some unspoken signal, they will begin their long, unstoppable march across the frozen Russian planes.  Strong men will flee at their approach, old women will weep, and children will huddle in the dark, trembling at the drum-klicka! drum-klicka! drum-klicka! of their thunderous, claw-laden feet.  There will be nothing left to stand between their hulking masses and the world’s most abundant supply of hawt, hawt women.

You pays yer money and you takes yer chances, Mr. Putin.  But this time you picked on the wrong state.  We’d have given you Massachussets or even Vermont.  But we kinda like Georgia.  They have peaches and Dolly Parton I think.  So, you know, it’s on now.

This entry was posted on Friday, August 15th, 2008 at 10:32 am and is filed under Sweeping generalities, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.