Insane Space Alien Richard Garriott Invents Mafia Wars
Space Monster Richard Garriott demonstrates prostate is 'this big!', circa 2008
Hey remember that Lord British guy who bought the Soviet Union so he could go to space because, well…fuck, SPACE amiright!!!?? Besides that and living in a Lego castle, he was also responsible for the incredibly well-received disastrous Tabula Rasa, which is Latin for Seinfeld because it was an MMO about nothing ha! (ziiiiing!!) But seriously, the mutant radioactive brain of Richard Garriott cannot be stopped with our earth weapons:
It should come as no surprise to anyone that Richard Garriott isn’t a man content to rest on his laurels. Just after we hear that the documentary about his space trip is coming out, we now hear that he’s found a new niche in the multi-player gaming industry. Only this time, he’s not developing a traditional MMO as one might suspect. Instead, Garriott has revealed his involvement in a start-up called Portalarium, which is setting out to get a chunk of that browser-based social game cash floating around on Facebook and other social media networks.
Maybe it’s the Saurian Tribble brandy that he’s been quaffing to excess to ease the painful itching of the space herpes, or maybe…well I’m just gonna go with the space herpes, but…Portalarium? Portalarium? Richard Garriott’s new company apparently makes fiberglass toilets for RV’s or construction sites or…Роскосмос? (it all makes sense now!)
Anyway, congratulations to Richard Garriott for not “resting on his laurels” and instead resting on the laurels of about sixty-seven million other startups who think that “revolutionizing the game industry” means cloning Farmville but with hobos. Resistance is useless puny earthlings. All your base are belong to that Ultima guy.
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