Back when Lord British forgot where he parked his moon buggy and it turned out it was on the goddamned moon, I was pretty darned happy to know I wasn’t the only person who’d ever been that blond in a parking garage. But you know how when you park at, say, Dillards and because of the very fact that your car is sitting on some planet–any planet really–you are entitled to claim said planet as your own because you are so goddamned unhinged that revolving doors go “damn, that dude’s unhinged”? Well SAME THING!
Richard Garriott who is more famous as his ulta-ego Lord British, splashed out some cash and bought a Russian luna rover.
Garriott purchased the former Soviet Union’s Luna 21 lander and the Lunokhod 2 rover for $68,000 at a Sotheby’s space auction in 1993.
Now he is trying to work out determine if owning these devices on the moon entitles him to ownership of the property it rests on.
See losers, this is why Richard Garriott is rich and you are not. Whereas mere mortals like you and I would be satisfied with owning some piece of Russian space shit on the moon, Lord British will just take his moon Lada AND the whole fucking moon AND your kidneys if you really want something to whine about maybe next time when I tell you to play Tabula Rasa you will the hell do it now won’t you yeah that’s what I thought.
What other kinds of crazy shit will Richard Garriott do with his newly acquired moon property?
He told Space.com that he’s willing to allow future space travellers to pay a parking fee on his property.
Hear that NASA? You’ve got about 30 days to get your Apollo crap off Planet Garriott, or crazy “ol’ man Garriott” is going to shoot you with his space Uzi.
Extremist layabout Mike Vanderboegh is really kind of pissed off about that whole health care thing, and wants you to go out and throw stuff at windows, because he can’t really be bothered to do it himself:
“So, if you wish to send a message that Pelosi and her party cannot fail to hear, break their windows,” Vanderboegh wrote on a blog called Sipsey Street Irregulars. “Break them NOW. Break them and run to break again. Break them under cover of night. Break them in broad daylight. Break them and await arrest in willful, principled civil disobedience. Break them with rocks. Break them with slingshots. Break them with baseball bats. But BREAK THEM.”
But this is the money shot:
There is often a darkly comical aspect to these sinister fringe figures. While Vanderboegh claims to be a militant “libertarian,” a tribune of the oppressed white middle class, and a student of Friedrich von Hayek, he appears to be an ordinary welfare case. Claiming to be too ill for gainful employment, he apparently spends most of his time stirring up violence, with a nice federal subsidy.
According to the Post, he lives off his wife, who works at a forklift company — and also gets a monthly disability check from our “Marxist” federal government.
Oh, his blog is here. I’m hoping he wants to trade links! *crosses fingers*
In the hopes of reducing spam, I’ve had a Capcha plugin added to comments. If you really really hate it, you can bypass it by registering an account here. Look over on the left under the “Meta” heading, and then Register. Very sorry about this.
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Starship Captain lawyer and airline ticket huckster Denny Crane has a really good idea! Remember that whole “social media web 2.0″ thing all the kids are doing with the twatting and the facebooking? Oh and once upon a time when we all had Apple ][e’s and printed our porn on dot matrix printers (really?!?!) there was this thing called MySpace but I think I deleted it off my floppy disk or something does anyone still have a copy with cheat codes?!?!?!
Anyway Denny Crane just cold invented social media…IN SPACE!!!!!!
Now you can space chat, space email, space instant space message, space cosplay, space update your space status (mood: space angry!), and space hookup IN SPACE!!!
A: There are only 12 authorized Groups on Myouterspace.com, which are the 6 Planets and the 6 Starships. During Registration you already picked a Group to be a member of when you selected Citizenship on a Planet.
Q: Why can’t I begin my own Blog?
A: Starship Captains and Planet Governors are the only Users allowed to generate content through the use of the Blogging Feature. They use Blogging as a way to display News and Site information, not as a communication tool. If you would like to expand your profile information in lieu of Blogging, please do so!
Q: How do I become a member of a Starship’s Crew?
A: The only way that you can become a Crewmember of a Starship is if the Starship Captain selects you. The Starships are going to consist of only those who are working on its final project, and if your talent stands out enough on your planet, you may be selected to work with a Starship Team!
But if you are (Admiral!!) William Shatner, it’s fucking cool because you get to be in charge of space people again without Romulan-sympathizer dickhead Leonard Nimoy stealing the director’s chair out from under you. And Wil Decker doesn’t think you’re sorry, not one damned bit!
Hey, apparently Joe Biden, the VP grandpa who can’t ever say ANYTHING without being insane, just said some insane thing to President Obama right before he signed the health care bill into law. “Fuck this deal” is what he said!!! Because Joe Biden just realized there is this whole health care thing that nobody told him about!
Okay, actually he said “This is a big fucking deal,” but come on you KNOW he meant “fuck this deal,” because the stuff that comes out of Joe Biden’s mouth is NEVER in the right order!
Listen to it yourself, about 10 seconds in:
Next up: Joe Biden will exercise his Vice-Presidential veto, but he will say it inappropriately and health care will become law anyway. You heard it here first.
The People’s Democratic Party of Huffingtonia have decided they will vote to open the seventh seal of Dante’s Inferno on Sunday, basically cramming socialized eternal hell poop down the throats of all Americans.
This makes Glen Beck goddamit he’s crying a-fucking-gain, isn’t he? *sigh* cry AGAIN because he loves America and Jesus and white people so much blah blah blah…
But this time they’ve gone too far, and Mr. Beck considers this day of voting an “affront to God,” for voting while Jesus isn’t looking.
I think that it is absolutely appropriate that these people are trying to put the nail in the coffin on our country on a Sunday,” he added, “something our founders would have never, ever, ever done. Out of respect for God.”
Damn you Nancy Pelosi, YOU KNOW SUNDAY IS THE ONLY DAY JESUS GETS TO SLEEP IN!!!! He works hard for the money, why you gotta not treat Him right?
Oh hey look at the end of the article! The Republicans voted on Palm Sunday to keep the corpse of Terry Schiavo in a bacta tank, but this doesn’t count because DID YOU FUCKING SEE GLEN BECK CRYING NO YOU DID NOT SO STFU!!!!
Don’t get me wrong. This Irish Day thing is pretty cool; it gives me the annual opportunity to wear the one green jacket I own and be able to explain away my extraordinarily bad taste in clothing at the same time. But it’s too bad we don’t celebrate Mel Gibson Scotland Day or whatever it would be called, because something happened recently in Scotland that in hindsight I would have thought was a national sport. Pretty much right up there with caber tossing or socialized medicine cosplay sheep tickling or whatever. Anyway, some dude tried to hit a lady cop with his penis.
He missed. Which is good. But sadly Mr. Varinauskas has decided to “quit binge drinking because of the incident.” Which I take to mean that he’ll just stay permanently shit-faced because too much crazy stuff goes on while you’re working your way up through the various stages of drunkenness anyway.
Hey! It’s that previously-thought-dead angry little king of Frogmorton in some undated photographs, proving conclusively that at one point he was alive, and hell, might still be for all you know? Sure why not. Anyway, your crack Amber Night Megalomedia staff of staffers have obtained exclusive photos of quantum zombie Kim Jong Il, and now we’re going to make fun of him because this is America and why the hell not?
Hey you remember the South Carolina don’t you? It’s the one with the crazy hiking Governor guy who went hiking all the way to Argentina to have illicit sex with a woman if you know what I mean and I think that you do. Well South Carolina circa 1950 are also pretty much the most awesomely devious bastards ever!
Since 1951, South Carolina has had a law on its books requiring anyone looking to overthrow the government to, well, register with the government.
So here’s how it works. You’re all like “After a fine Hardee’s lunch today, I think I will overthrow the U.S. government, and then maybe a Starbucks?” So to do that middle thing you get on your moped giant evil Roomba and head down to whichever shanty it is that South Carolina runs its government from, and then you just apply to overthrow the whole mothafuckin guvmit! [pdf created in DOS text editor warning!] And right about the time you’re stealing the pen from the nice lady behind the counter (because you are EVIL!) South Carolina Attorney General Joseph McCarthy is there to throw you in irons or Fonzie or whatever they had in 1951. IT’S GENIUS!!!!!
Oh, except that state Senator and total buzzkill Larry Martin who is a terrorist-loving terrorist buzzkill is going to ruin it for everybody:
“I readily recognize when it had been passed and what the purpose of it was back in the 1950s,” [Martin] said. “But I don’t think Osama bin Laden is going to register. It’s outlived its usefulness.”
Yeah well you don’t know that for sure now, do you Mr. ooh-lookit-me-I’m-a-state-senator-AND-a-gypsy-fortune-teller!? Like, maybe he’d get a power of attorney and have his, I dunno, girlfriend register for him? Point is, WHO KNOWS?! (haha it wouldn’t be his girlfriend though because he would kill her for literacy!)
Anyway, thanks South Carolina for probably getting rid of your most awesome thing ever besides dumb hiking governors and the fact that your official state dance is “the shag.”
Well now evil corporate villain “E*Trade” (IF THAT REALLY IS HIS NAME!!!) is DAMAGING THE LINDSAY LOHAN BRAND and is all like “thanks for inventing that word ‘Lindsay Lohan,’ Lindsay Lohan, now we’re going to make a DNA-replica clone baby and take over the world, thanks for inventing a cool name for it, don’t mind if we do!!!”
Lindsay Lohan wants $100 million from E*TRADE — because she believes their “milkaholic” baby featured in their Super Bowl commercial was modeled after her … and as far as Lindsay’s concerned, the smoking gun is all in the name.
…
The commercial features a baby named Lindsay — who in the spot, is accused of being the “other woman” in a baby love triangle.
…
Lohan’s lawyer, Stephanie Ovadia, tells TMZ it doesn’t matter that the commercial doesn’t mention the name Lohan, adding, “Do you know the name Oprah? Do you know the name Madonna? Same thing.”
SAME THING!!! Do you hear that Charlie the Tuna? Charlie sheen is going to eat your lunch! (haha, seriously, Charlie Sheen luvs him some tuna melt!)
