Amber Night (rebooted)

Hey remember that Denny Crane guy? Well true fact, America’s Meryl Streep IS NOT EVEN AMERICAN! He is Canadian, and even though he doesn’t look French, Facebook demands that he be appointed by the Queen of Canada to become the new Emperor of Klondikistan or maybe just a Governor or sled dog catcher, who even knows how these Europeans do things amiright?

“It’s time for Canada to boldly go where no country has gone before,” notes a nearly 10,000-strong Facebook fan page that supports the idea.

Ahahaha, man I bet that whole “boldly go” thing NEVER gets old.

There is a consensus that a good governor general should be dignified and authoritative, but must also possess common sense and humility.

Yes. Because when I think “dignified” and “humility,” the first person that comes to mind is William Shatner. On the upside, we still have Jean Luc Picard who could still totally kick Captain Kirk’s ass even from his wheelchair.

Extremist layabout Mike Vanderboegh is really kind of pissed off about that whole health care thing, and wants you to go out and throw stuff at windows, because he can’t really be bothered to do it himself:

“So, if you wish to send a message that Pelosi and her party cannot fail to hear, break their windows,” Vanderboegh wrote on a blog called Sipsey Street Irregulars. “Break them NOW. Break them and run to break again. Break them under cover of night. Break them in broad daylight. Break them and await arrest in willful, principled civil disobedience. Break them with rocks. Break them with slingshots. Break them with baseball bats. But BREAK THEM.”

But this is the money shot:

There is often a darkly comical aspect to these sinister fringe figures. While Vanderboegh claims to be a militant “libertarian,” a tribune of the oppressed white middle class, and a student of Friedrich von Hayek, he appears to be an ordinary welfare case. Claiming to be too ill for gainful employment, he apparently spends most of his time stirring up violence, with a nice federal subsidy.

According to the Post, he lives off his wife, who works at a forklift company — and also gets a monthly disability check from our “Marxist” federal government.

Oh, his blog is here. I’m hoping he wants to trade links! *crosses fingers*

Hey, apparently Joe Biden, the VP grandpa who can’t ever say ANYTHING without being insane, just said some insane thing to President Obama right before he signed the health care bill into law. “Fuck this deal” is what he said!!! Because Joe Biden just realized there is this whole health care thing that nobody told him about!

Okay, actually he said “This is a big fucking deal,” but come on you KNOW he meant “fuck this deal,” because the stuff that comes out of Joe Biden’s mouth is NEVER in the right order!

Listen to it yourself, about 10 seconds in:

Next up: Joe Biden will exercise his Vice-Presidential veto, but he will say it inappropriately and health care will become law anyway. You heard it here first.

The People’s Democratic Party of Huffingtonia have decided they will vote to open the seventh seal of Dante’s Inferno on Sunday, basically cramming socialized eternal hell poop down the throats of all Americans.

This makes Glen Beck goddamit he’s crying a-fucking-gain, isn’t he? *sigh* cry AGAIN because he loves America and Jesus and white people so much blah blah blah…

But this time they’ve gone too far, and Mr. Beck considers this day of voting an “affront to God,” for voting while Jesus isn’t looking.

I think that it is absolutely appropriate that these people are trying to put the nail in the coffin on our country on a Sunday,” he added, “something our founders would have never, ever, ever done. Out of respect for God.”

Damn you Nancy Pelosi, YOU KNOW SUNDAY IS THE ONLY DAY JESUS GETS TO SLEEP IN!!!! He works hard for the money, why you gotta not treat Him right?

Oh hey look at the end of the article! The Republicans voted on Palm Sunday to keep the corpse of Terry Schiavo in a bacta tank, but this doesn’t count because DID YOU FUCKING SEE GLEN BECK CRYING NO YOU DID NOT SO STFU!!!!

Socialist Nigerian kidney thief spammer so-called “President” (as IF!) Barrack “Obama”¹ is apparently very healthy, which is a very dickish thing for him to do because he is also “growing orchards” (this is stoner code for “marijuana,” try to keep up old people!) right there in America’s oval office which he then “tokes on” while perching his dirty hippy feet up on America’s first desk as if he were the dirty hippy king of the desk world or something sheesh!

Which has what to do with gaming you ask?  Fuck all, really.  I’m just trying to avoid playing Star Trek Online.  I mean, it’s fun.  I guess.  I’m just not really experiencing the wonder around every corner like I did in LoTRO, the WAAAAAAGGH (sp?) in Warhammer, the wow² in WOW,  the massive nipple overload in Age of Conan (everything has nipples–the swords have nipples!!! THE GODDAMN SWORDS HAVE NIPPLES!!), or the complete bewilderment at how anybody thought this was a good idea in The Matrix Online.  I am, in fact, completely apathetic towards this game.  I honestly can’t pick out a single thing I don’t like, and maybe it gets better, but…meh.

Oh and also this:

Melissa Morris didn’t realize the graphic nature of her son’s new video game, “Dante’s Inferno.”

“I didn’t know anything about it, he said he wanted it, so I got it.”

Because, you know, what little Yale (seriously, his name is Yale) wants, little Yale gets, and then mom and little Yale (SERIOUSLY THAT IS THE FUCK HIS NAME!) get to express outrage and horror to some Channel 42 bimb…her name is Shanisty Myers? Seriously? Okay then, little Yale and his mom–let’s just call her Incontoneta Asspickenowski–express horror and outrage at their purchase of a game about hell and blood and violance, to Channel 42 wunder-journalist Shanisty Myers, because it contains graphical depictions of hell and blood and violence.

Anyway, nothing…NOTHING AT ALL…would have tipped this woman off to the fact that there might have been a wee bit o mature content. Oh, except maybe…

…the big ‘ol “18″ right there in big red letters, or the fact that it takes place in hell (read a book lady!) or even the fact that there’s A BIG BADASS WITH A BIG FUCKING SCYTHE WHICH HAS A HANDLE MADE OUT OF VERTEBRAE!!!?!?!

I dunno…too subtle? Maybe the Dante’s Inferno aisle at Best Buy should have been surrounded by a moat of boiling blood and guarded by syphilitic Harpy beasts armed with big-ass vertebrae scythes or swords with nipples or something.

Learned lesson says mom:

“Parents need to read the back of the package especially if they are buying for anyone under 17.”

D’ya think?

Maybe she should go out and buy Star Trek Online for her son. It has tribbles!

§

¹Who is conveniently using a fake birth certificate and military ID, supplied of course by high school dropout and 7-11 loiterer Joe “Cheech” Biden, the stoner who also supplies all the 3.2% beer for Obama’s every-morning quote “Beer Summit” unquote.

²As in, “wow! I cannot believe THIS is the most popular MMO in the universe.

Turns out “transparent government” is boring as shit. *yawn*

At first blush, this is kinda cute:

And then you think “haha it’s funny because remember how over the last 8 years we Librulz were so outraged that the Right-wing had used symbols like the flag, supporting our troops, and patriotism to demonize any opposition?  Well now Sasha Obama (zomg Russian/Muslim !!) has the nookyaler launch codes beeyotches, and it’s our turn to rub your magnetic yellow-ribbon snorting noses in the now openly gay flag and you goddamned better well stfu and support our Muslim Ayatollah-In-Chief because IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY!!!!11!!!1″

Yeah.  That’s the change we’ve been talking about.  It’s…it’s not really gonna get better, is it?

Probably.

Do you, like, realize how close we came to totally having a 13 year-old Valley Girl as our next Vice President?  Like ohmigawd:

Q. What did you think of Tina Fey, really?

A. I really liked her. Her in-laws came to one of our rallies and met us backstage. They’re pretty hardcore Republicans, the in-laws were. She had told me that, she was like, believe it or not, I’m from a family of Republicans. You, know, it was like, we have more in common than you think.

She also believes the Republicans lost because what the Republicans really needed was a team of mavericks:

Q. Why do you think your campaign lost?

A. I think the Republican ticket represented too much of the status quo, too much of what had gone on in these last eight years, that Americans were kind of shaking their heads like going, wait a minute, how did we run up a 10 trillion dollar debt in a Republican administration?

I’m really gonna miss her.  If there is a God, President Obama will make her CIO of the intertubes, or nominate her to all 3 upcoming Supreme Court vacancies.

p.s.: I still owe a lot of people a lot of emails.  I am lame, I know.  Hopefully this week.  Sorry!!

Paul Barnett (Warhammer design chieftain, who is also under the impression that MySpace is a valid blogging engine and that grainy film effects are wicked cool and totally not seizure-inducing) answers the question “how is WAR different from WoW?”  I answer the real question that’s on everybody’s mind: “how is WAR different from Sarah Palin?”

WAR: No item damage on death.
Sarah Palin: Complete destruction of the world on John McCain’s death.

WAR: No corpse running.
Sarah Palin: Corpse is a running-mate.

WAR: You can level in PvP.
Sarah Palin: Levels while secluded in Dick Cheney’s secret underground bunker.

WAR: If you kill someone in PvP you get loot.
Sarah Palin: If you kill someone in DNC, you can gut and field dress them in under an hour.

WAR: You can get into PvP right at the start PQ’s get round the problem of needing friends.
Sarah Palin: You can get into the second highest seat of government in the nation right at the start, with only a horny old war hero as a friend.

WAR: Your bag increases in capacity as you level and you can sort your bags via filters IN game.
Sarah Palin: Your baggage increases as you have more children. And grandchildren. And grandchildren who might be your children. And children who knocked up your child. Basically you are a vaginal clown car.

WAR: If you don’t want to PvP you still have a great PvE game.
Sarah Palin: If you don’t know a goddamned thing about foreign policy, the economy, social issues, Iraq, Afghanistan, or science, you can still be a great superbitch.

WAR: You can craft and its ace and if you like crafting its jolly, it has experimentation.
Sarah Palin: Does not speak British.

WAR: The Tome Of Knowledge is a great read and gives you a reason to explore.
Sarah Palin: The Bible is a great read and will become the new U.S. Constitution.

WAR: The open grouping system makes it easy as pie to find friends.
Sarah Palin: Ancient war hero running mate loves pie, especially when she does the airplane feeding thing.

WAR: Yes you can MOD the UI and yes you can customize the UI so all your cool toys will still be there in WAR.
Sarah Palin: Hawt hawt MILFy interface needs no customizing.

WAR: The maps in WAR show you where to go and where to hunt for each quest.
Sarah Palin: Doesn’t need a goddamned map to hunt, kill, and rip the still-beating heart out of her enemies—all while breast-feeding her adorable special needs hockey team.

- Michelle Obama managed to get through her entire speech without attacking “whitey,” which of course makes her a flip-flopper.

- Hey John Kerry: 2004 called and desperately wants to know why the fuck you saved this shit for 2008.

- Hillary Clinton choked down enough bile to feed…well a whole lot of whatever eats bile.  Sigorney Weaver on hand with flame thrower just in case things get out of hand.

- omgomgomgomg Barrack Obama made a surprise appearance…to the Democratic National Convention.  How weird was that?

- Joe Biden: “McCain is a war monger just like Bush.”

- Joe Biden: “Obama will nuke the holy fuck out of Russia because it pleases him.”

- Barack Obama is so cool that he’s going to give his acceptance speech tonight at Mile High Stadium in front of a bunch of greek pillars.  In a toga.  And sunglasses.  Standing on a pony keg.