Amber Night (rebooted)

Starship Captain lawyer and airline ticket huckster Denny Crane has a really good idea! Remember that whole “social media web 2.0″ thing all the kids are doing with the twatting and the facebooking? Oh and once upon a time when we all had Apple ][e’s and printed our porn on dot matrix printers (really?!?!) there was this thing called MySpace but I think I deleted it off my floppy disk or something does anyone still have a copy with cheat codes?!?!?!

Anyway Denny Crane just cold invented social media…IN SPACE!!!!!!

Now you can space chat, space email, space instant space message, space cosplay, space update your space status (mood: space angry!), and space hookup IN SPACE!!!

Haha! Just kidding because you will be too busy trying to figure out why you are just a lowly fucking redshirt and can’t do anything except get killed on the away team:

Q: Why can’t I start my own Group?

A: There are only 12 authorized Groups on Myouterspace.com, which are the 6 Planets and the 6 Starships. During Registration you already picked a Group to be a member of when you selected Citizenship on a Planet.

Q: Why can’t I begin my own Blog?

A: Starship Captains and Planet Governors are the only Users allowed to generate content through the use of the Blogging Feature. They use Blogging as a way to display News and Site information, not as a communication tool. If you would like to expand your profile information in lieu of Blogging, please do so!

Q: How do I become a member of a Starship’s Crew?

A: The only way that you can become a Crewmember of a Starship is if the Starship Captain selects you. The Starships are going to consist of only those who are working on its final project, and if your talent stands out enough on your planet, you may be selected to work with a Starship Team!

But if you are (Admiral!!) William Shatner, it’s fucking cool because you get to be in charge of space people again without Romulan-sympathizer dickhead Leonard Nimoy stealing the director’s chair out from under you. And Wil Decker doesn’t think you’re sorry, not one damned bit!

In my metioric rise to the top of Technorati’s “Personal Development” blogs, here are just some of the blogs I left in the dust:

- Healthy Living Tips, Nutrition And Healthy Living Guide
- Diary of a Martial Artist
- HealthMoneySuccess dot com
- Pajama Professional
- ZenChill Power Tools Blog
- The Confidence Guy
- The Happy Burro

Amber’s self-help book, “How Vomit-caked is your parachute?” is on sale now at Amazon.

But you can help!

If, like me, you’ve always wondered “wouldn’t it be great if there were a way to order my pizza using an interface that sucks for things like ordering pizza?” well wonder no more!  You can order pizza on your Tivo:

From the press release:

TiVo Inc. (NASDAQ: TIVO), the creator of and a leader in television services for digital video recorders (DVRs), and Domino’s Pizza, Inc. (NYSE: DPZ), the recognized world leader in pizza delivery, have teamed up to give broadband connected TiVo subscribers the ability to order pizza for delivery or pick-up, and track delivery timing, right from their TV sets using the TiVo® service.

Norrathians will note alternative ways to order pizza while sitting on your ass has been around for awhile.  Narnians do not eat pizza because jeeeez people we are still at waagh so it’s rat on a stick for you lot.

And Unix geeks did it first.

This is just too awesome to wait.

Anyone else think Hannah Montana would be a great Secretary of State?

And really…who hasn’t had this problem? (NSFW for eww.)

From the NY Times:

“It’s a mistake to assume John McCain has no knowledge of [the internet],” [McCain's Deputy e-campaign Director] Mr. Soohoo said during a panel discussion with the Internet strategists of some other presidential campaigns.

“You don’t necessarily have to use a computer to understand how it shapes the country,” he said.

You can read more about how John McCain believes the internet shapes the country by visiting his personal blog…which he keeps in a box of erasable bond right next to his IBM Selectric.

This should go great with mom’s famous crab latkes.  (And yes, I know this isn’t strictly Christmas shopping.  Bite me.)

(Also, yes, yes, I know, this is lame. I’m trying to find time to write something substantial. Stay tuned!)

For the man who has…um…“everything.”

(NSFW if your boss/coworkers is/are 16th century Puritans.)

This must be stopped.  That is all.